Ready For The Least Surprising Thing You'll Hear All Day? Hitler Had A Baby Dick

Metro- Adolf Hitler suffered from a condition that left him with a ‘micro-penis’, historians have sensationally claimed.

It was previously revealed that the Nazi dictator may have only had one testicle, but historians now say that the Fuhrer suffered from hypospadias, a condition that leaves sufferers with an abnormally small penis.

Sufferers are often forced to urinate out of a hole at the base of their penis, or the underside of the shaft.

But in new book Hitler’s Last Day: Minute by Minute, historians Jonathan Mayo and Emma Craigie claim that the Fuhrer suffered from the deformity.

They wrote: ‘Hitler himself is believed to have had two forms of genital abnormality: an undescended testicle and a rare condition called penile hypospadias in which the urethra opens on the underside of the penis.’




On one hand, this is nice to hear. After all, Adolf Hitler caused millions upon millions of people an innumerable amount of pain and suffering, so it kind of puts a smile on your face to know that he was also suffering at the time, albeit to a much less degree. On the other hand, making this public is pretty dangerous as well. There is no way to justify the actions of a mass murderer, but if there were to be a way then it would almost certainly be to make him look like a sympathetic figure. Now, I am not shedding any tears for Hitler's genitals, but the dire state of them could have had quite a bit to do with his decision to ethnically cleanse. Without doing too much research I feel fairly comfortable saying that there is a direct correlation between a person's overall demeanor and the size of their dick. That doesn't mean that people blessed with a good sized, fully functional cock can't get angry, but it does mean that they generally don't get "racial and religious extermination" angry. Trust me, I don't want to give the dude an out or anything. However, I can't definitively proclaim that I wouldn't be quick to kill if I had a testicle in my stomach and was forced to urinate through a hole in the base of my shaft and neither can you. 

So if you are asking me if I would kill baby Hitler then the answer is yes, because every person born with 'hypospadias' (a microscopic penis) should be executed at birth. It's the long way we can make sure they don't commit genocide when they grow older. Adolf may have always had murderous tendencies, but he also always had a schmeckle that was susceptible to enjoying human suffering. The guy was basically hung for the Holocaust. That's why everyone that's born sporting a 'Tic Tac' should be put to rest. Not only for the good of society, but because no one should be sentenced to a lifetime of pissing on their balls (or in this case, ball). We can always measure the length of a person's penis, but we can't measure the amount of anger and animosity that it will cause them, and therefore we won't know if it will reach Auschwitz levels until it's too late.