"Hey RJ, I know you are rushing to get home but can you do me a favor? You know how KIA is paying me like...tens of millions of dollars to promote their crappy environmentally friendly cars? Yeah well, they are concerned because everyone on Twitter doubts that a decorated multi-millionaire such as myself drives one of their piece of shit products on a regular basis. They asked me to a candid non-promotional endorsement, but it will look too calculated if I post it. Do you mind snapping a quick clip of me standing next to this South Korean hunk of scrap metal? Just make sure you sound TOTALLY sincere as you narrate it. Maybe throw in a definitive stat that proves that I actually use the brand that funds my spray-on hair habit. You're a good talker. Give everyone the hard sell before I hop in and drive this thing around the corner to my Lamborghini where the sales rep is waiting to take his family vehicle back. Wouldn't want him to be late picking the kids up from hockey practice, ya know? Thanks man, I really appreciate it. I promise I won't subtweet you throughout the rest of the playoffs. It's really the least I could in exchange for this." P.S. I am not even a big time car person, but if LeBron really is rolling around in a KIA while he's worth $300 million then it actually makes me dislike him more. P.P.S. Did LeBron also borrow the KIA salesman's backup golf outfit from his trunk? I actually understand Russell Westbrook's fashion sense better than I understand this fucking 'Where's Waldo?' getup...
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