Rob Ryan Has Some Things To Learn About Purchasing Jerseys

Hey, I got no problem with you being a fat guy as long as you embrace it. According to that bowl of mac and cheese, Rob is all about that N'awlins gluttony. Good for him. However, there's a few things he has to learn about jerseys. First of all, unless you are a player on the court, no one has ever looked good in a basketball jersey, EVER. It's simply the most unflattering of jerseys. Take it from someone that recently took a trip down memory lane with an old photo album. Granted this is the exact opposite of your problem, but let's just say I didn't exactly fill out the XXL Reggie Miller Dream Team jersey. 

Secondly, you never go white. There's too much that can go wrong. One slip of that fork and you are right back to that team store for another jersey. With the amount of food Rob Ryan inevitably puts down at professional sporting events he doesn't have to coach in, it's all but a certainly that thing doesn't leave pearly white. No magical 'Tide' pen is getting a stain out of that bad boy. Pretty sure the NBA makes jerseys so that they are uncleanable, pretty bullet proof business plan if you ask me. 

You know how black is slimming. Well white is the opposite of black, so what is the opposite of slimming? Isn't that in the fat guy hand book? Hell, I am not even fat anymore and my closet has more color diversity than the opening ceremonies for the Olympics. There's simply no positive to wearing white. Why do you think an unattainable goal is known as 'the white whale'? Because nothing that big could ever successfully pull off white. Note to Rob: Treat everyday like it's the day after Labor Day.

P.S. Hey, maybe this proves to be a wake up call. First his brother becomes a shell of himself and then he becomes an internet sensation by turning a basketball jersey into a maternity dress. Everyone has to hit that breaking point, whether it's not fitting into your fat jeans, or seeing a picture of yourself at an unflattering angle. With any luck it's not though. Every knows that Ryan's are much better at their job when they are fat, and it's damn near impossible to get skinny in New Orleans.