Ryan Getzlaf Calls Ovechkin A Diver So Obviously Ovechkin Had To Make a Bald Joke
Yahoo Sports- "I didn't know he was going to dive tonight the way he did all over the f---ing ice. That part of it’s a little (more) embarrassing, pardon my language. He’s a great player. He’s going to score goals and make plays. That other stuff’s embarrassing. The slash on me. The slash on his hand. When we ran into him and he dove down. All those things. It's embarrassing to the game.”
“No response. Maybe he’s just jealous. All that kind of stuff. I have hair, he don’t have hair. So we can start talking about that all day long. He was disappointed that they lost. It is what it is."
There is just no possible way I can hate the move by Ovechkin here. Responding to serious allegations with a joke is what Ovi does. Hell, it's what almost all hockey players do, off the ice anyway. I can't hate on a bald joke just because I'm bald. A good joke is a good joke. I cracked a smile reading the quote, as did Getzlaf upon hearing about it.
I would be careful if I were Ovechkin though. It's not smart to sling rocks from a glass house. Yeah, Ovi has a full head of hair. He is also turning 50 shades of grey and he is hasn't even hit the big 3-0 yet. What's more attractive to women, male patterned baldness or having the hair color of a 60 year old? If you go with the Mr. Clean look, like Getzy is doing here, I would argue it is not even close. Bald is beautiful. 97% of women love bald men, read a fucking magazine for me one time. Almost a shame he has to wear a helmet. How many girls are coming up and rubbing your head Alexander? That's what I thought? Getzlaf could probably charge a quarter to rub his head and tack another zero onto his salary. He doesn't even have to say a word and females will touch him. Making contact is half the battle, everybody knows that.
Meanwhile, you take away Ovechkin's hockey equipment and he very closely resembles a homeless person. If we are going off looks alone, I would say Getzlaf has the upper hand. He could be working on Wall Street and you wouldn't give him a second look. If Alexander Ovechkin walked into an office building in a suit he would be tackled by security on sight. If he didn't have hockey talent he would have a much harder time supporting his cocaine and alcohol addiction. It's all good when the toothless one is potting 50 goals a year. It's much less cute when his long lost twin is nipping at your heels begging for spare change. I totally understand why Ovechkin has the looks of a senior citizen sleeping in your local neighborhood dumpster. Dude has done more living in his 29 years on this planet than Evel Knievel. Somehow he has lived a riskier lifestyle than the homeless people he so closely mirrors, despite being a millionaire. I'm just saying, while I appreciate Ovi's style, I can assure you that Getzy isn't losing any sleep over his hairline.
The bald demographic is a very easy going bunch. We tend to take things in stride. We ain't got no worries. Why would we? We can literally wake up, roll out of bed, and be on our way. Who needs a mirror? Hat head? Never heard of it. You people making chemo jokes can kick rocks. Pound sand. Time is money. Money is also money. Between hair cuts, hair products, and the time that both require, bald people are winning. We are not follically challenged, we are blessed with a rich looking scalp. The rich getting richer. Having hair is for poor people. While the rest of you are trying to fix your cowlick, we are slowly getting wealthy. A penny saved is a penny earned. Conditioner is overpriced anyway. I can't think of a single thing to make fun of Getzlaf for. He basically won the genetic lottery. He isn't the hero that bald people deserve, but the hero bald people need. A Stanley Cup, an Olympic Gold medal, and the most formidable scalp west of the Mississippi. Grab your brush and comb through that resume. That's the trifecta right there. I could laugh off anything if I was living that good.
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