Ryan Lochte Not Remembering His Dog's Age Is So Perfectly Vintage Ryan Lochte

I'm going to be honest here. The first thing that came to my mind when I saw Ryan Lochte wish his dog a happy 8th birthday three years in a row was shame. Your favorite idiot's favorite idiot who "misremembered" getting "robbed at gun point" less than 12 hours after it happened has a better memory than I do when it comes to recalling his loved one's special days. I don't even care that the date in question probably isn't correct. The fact that he was diligent and aware enough to nail it on the nose three years in a row serves as quite the reality check to someone (myself) that is lucky to catch his own birthday in passing. 

The second - and more important - thing that came to my mind was that we shouldn't treat this as yet another reason to criticize a man that can't take a leak outside without causing an international incident. Instead, we should relish in the legitimacy of his stupidity. Given the current state of the internet, we need people like Ryan Lochte. It's become so hard to suspend disbelief and treat a good viral story like it's anything other than an elaborate publicity stunt. However, if there is one thing we can be certain of it's that the big, dumb swimmer that had no idea that "Jewish thanksgiving" wasn't a thing is literally too unintelligent to be used as a gimmick. He believed that yesterday was his dog's 8th birthday as much as he believed that October 23rd, 2015 was his dog's 8th birthday. He believed that October 23rd, 2015 was his dog's 8th birthday as much as he believed that October 23rd, 2014 was his dog's 8th birthday, and he believed that October 23rd, 2014 was his dog's 8th birthday as much as he believed that his drunk ass got held up by the Brazilian police force. If he didn't then he wouldn't have attempted to correct his original post only to get his dog's (presumed) age wrong AGAIN...

9 years ago this handsome son of mine was born. Happy birthday buddy, many more to come! Love you! #mansbestfriend pic.twitter.com/55ddDuTs4u

— Ryan Lochte (@RyanLochte) October 23, 2016

During a time period where a premium has been put on attempting to outsmart the masses, Ryan Lochte's level of genuine idiocy is truly something to cherish. Now if we can just avoid sending him overseas then we can really learn to appreciate him as the national treasure that he is.