Shoutout To This 72 Year Old That Broke Into His Neighbor's House And Rubbed One Out In Her Orange Juice
Metro- A man was caught on CCTV sneaking into a woman’s house, ejaculating into her orange juice – then shaking it up and putting it back in the fridge.
Willis Gene Burdette, 72, was caught because the woman’s CCTV camera caught him sneaking into her house using a spare key, then masturbating.
A Jackson Township detective said he then, ‘Removed a bottle of orange juice from the refrigerator and cum inside the bottle of orange juice.’
He was arrested by Jackson Township Police Department for the August incident, and has now been charged with burglary and contaminating a substance for human consumption.
His motives remain unclear.
Jesus, looks like the Giants really picked the right time to give Tom Coughlin his walking papers. I know they say football coaches dedicate so much of their lives to the game that they become lost without it, but I didn't expect Ol' Tommy Boy to turn up missing in his neighbor's kitchen as he pulped her orange juice for her.
In all seriousness, I think this guy deserves a round of applause. I certainly don't condone his actions, but it's nice to see a 72 year old that's still firing live bullets. Still got enough energy to get up off the couch under his own volition and commit a little mid-day B&E. If a man rubbing one out into some 'Tropicana' doesn't give you hope that one day you too can maintain an erection in your 70's then I don't know what will.
Plus, this seems like an innocent mistake. Seeing as there was no motive I would imagine that he just strayed too far while harmlessly looking for new places to spread his seed. Someone get this guy to a nursing home STAT. That tank has got to be rapidly approaching E. Might as well give a couple grandma's some happy endings in the process. It's better than the alternative, which is apparently hitting and quitting the nearest carton of 'Florida's Natural'.