I'll tell you what, Tampa Bay International Airport is really lucky that I was nursing the effects of a hangover that was three days in the making by indulging in some hair of the dog. If not I probably wouldn't have reacted so cavalierly to being told my flight was delayed two hours. Especially since the reasoning behind it was so ridiculous that whatever limited amount of brain cells that were actively firing in my head couldn't possibly begin to comprehend it.
"Sorry for the delay, but a flight attendant was under the weather so we are flying in a replacement from Laguardia as we speak."
That's an actual statement from a semi-respected airline. They were flying in a replacement fight attendant from a place that was further away than my destination. WHAT?!? First of all, I thought they just kept a bunch of flight attendants stuffed in an airport storage locker for situations like this. At the very least they should have access to a flight attendant that isn't THREE HOURS AWAY BY PLANE! It's not like we are talking about a job that requires much to be done successfully. Just smile, act out the safety precautions while no one fucking pays attention, and don't slam the godforsaken drink cart into my elbow while I am sleeping. That's literally all there is to it. Never mind looking outside state lines, there should be a kitchen on premises stocked with robotic women that can poor a drink in a time efficient manner.
I'm not even insulted by the fact that I had to wait for a woman whose job is hardly imperative to the completion of my flight. I am insulted that JetBlue thought it was okay to tell me that. Lie to me JetBlue, LIE TO ME! Tell me the engine is broken. Tell me the fucking wing fell off. Tell me the pilot randomly went blind. Give me a real reason as to why I have to kill 120 minutes at the 'Green Iguana Bar & Grill' forcing down a beer so that I can sleep through a flight that's being delayed by - quite literally - nothing. I don't need the actual justification, I just need one that makes me feel better about slowly dying of withdrawals in a Florida airport. Best way to do that is to make me think the alternative is falling tens of thousands of feet out of the sky in a metal tube. Is that really too much to ask?