Some Guy Let His Girlfriend Take A Hair Straightener To His Manhood Because He Agreed To Do So If He Cheated

Metro- A woman burnt her boyfriend’s penis with her hair straighteners… and he let her do it.

Why? Because Bronwyn Parker, 22, and her boyfriend reportedly made a pact that if he was ever unfaithful to her she could seek justice in this horrific way.

The unnamed victim apparently broke this pact, leading to him receiving the injuries, which could take two years to heal.

Parker, from Mount Barker, South Australia told police she had only placed his penis in the heated straighteners for a few seconds, thinking it would leave him with something similar to a sunburn.

‘To start off with, it looked brown around the outside and it didn’t look too bad,’ she said. ‘It just looked as if you had cooked a piece of meat.’

Judge Paul Muscat called the crime ‘unusual’, but failed to see the funny side when he told Parker the man will be ‘scared for life’ and that his penis might not even function properly any more.

He also told her in the court: ‘You regularly abused him, including physically, if you suspected, or, if he admitted to being unfaithful to you.’

After the victim spent the night with his ex-girlfriend he reportedly returned to Parker, who told him she would only ‘tap’ his penis with the straighteners.

The man reportedly did not seek immediate treatment to his ‘swollen and blistering’ penis due to his embarrassment.




Here is how I imagine this conversation going...

Guy: ::laying in bed, texting a friend::
Girl: ::intently staring, wondering who he's texting:: "Hey hunny, you would never cheat on me, right?"
Guy: ::turning to mindlessly watch television:: "What? Uhhhh...right."
Girl: "If you ever cheat would you let me burn your dick with a hair straightener as punishment?"
Guy: ::eyes closed, about to fall asleep:: "Sure, sure babe, whatever you say, goodnight". 
Girl: "Okay, good, that makes me feel better, goodnight."

In the context of a clearly dysfunctional relationship I would say that seems like a rather reasonable conversation to take place between an insecure, and rightfully so apparently, woman and an unfaithful man. The guy appeases the girls uncertainties by agreeing to whatever she was babbling about when he clearly wasn't paying attention, and now they can both sleep tight. What could possibly go wrong? 

Well, I'll tell you what could go wrong. Apparently the guy that agreed to get his cock roasted if he cheated could go fuck his ex-girfriend and get caught, and then have to get his cock roasted. In a way I want to respect this guy for being a man of his word. On the other hand, if you're already the scumbag who was fucking around behind your girl's back then you might as well be the scumbag that lied about letting her do permanent damage to your dick if you did so. Tony Montana once said, "all I have in this world is my balls and my word...". What he didn't mention was that if you have to choose between the two you should definitely go with functioning balls every single time. Your word is only important until it requires you to toast your dick like it's a Quizno's sub. I totally understand agreeing with whatever you girlfriend has to say in hopes of her shutting up. However, the second part of that strategy is to put up a fight when the first part of strategy inevitably comes back around and bites you in the ass. Sometimes the respectable thing to do is also the extremely stupid thing to do, but I guess you probably figured that out when your manhood looked like a piece of cooked meat, am I right?

P.S. As much as it pains me to say this, I completely disagree with the judge's decision to prosecute this girl. You let a crazy chick take a burning hot clamp to your junk then whatever happens next is on you. She may be a lunatic, but she's not a liar, and that's more then we can say for old panini dick.