Eric Gelinas- Come on Gelly. Show me confidence one time dude. You're a 6'4 215 pound NHL defenseman with a booming slap shot. A person of your build wearing a fake muscle suit is like Jenna Jameson stuffing her bra. Less Jane, more Tarzan. You're the Ultimate Warrior. Go tits out for the boys, throw on some body paint, and do the costume some justice. You know what someone that came half naked to a Halloween party wouldn't do? They wouldn't nervously make risky cross ice passes. They wouldn't lose puck battles in the corners. They wouldn't get beat to the outside constantly. You're a physical speciman Eric, the sooner you act like it on and off the rink the better.
Stefan Matteau- Don't worry Devils fans, it's not that Stefan Matteau hasn't progressed since being drafted into the NHL. It's not that he's a defensive liability and an offensive blackhole. He's just a quick strike player. Just wait. When you least expect it he'll come popping out of the shadows and actual contribute something. He's a ninja. Apparently a very shy ninja, but a ninja nonetheless. One day he'll make his presence felt. Until then we play the waiting game.
Cory Schneider- First of all, let's get this out of the way, he absolutely NAILED that Forrest Gump pose. Squint a little bit and you'd swear you were watching the 90's cult classic. Anyway, Schneids is a picture of consistency. Remember when Forrest ran across the nation for like months (or years, can't recall) on end? I feel like you could stick Cory Schneider in net everyday for a year and get a very similar, and dominant, performance every time. Life might be like a box of choclates, but when it comes to the Devils goaltending, you always know what you are going to get.
Adam Larsson- A couple of reasons why Adam Larsson is a nun. For one, priests touch little boys, and that's obviously not the greatest look, but also because he is far too humble to go as his real life equivalent, Jesus Christ. He's the savior. A person of the faith. We believe Adam, we believe! He is now the foundation of this Devils team. All things will be created in his image, and they damn well better be, because young, smart hockey players with a ton potential are a hell, no pun intended, of a thing to build your franchise with. I hope that cross doesn't weigh him down, because while I am not a religious man, I won't hesitate to get on bended knee for the church of Adam Larsson.