South Dakota Cancels 'Don't Jerk And Drive' Campaign

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/12/13/dont-jerk-and-drive_n_6319968.html

Huffington Post- Jerking isn't a joke and they know it.

Unfortunately for the South Dakota office of Highway Safety, some people think their new safe-driving campaign around the slogan "don't jerk and drive" was a bad idea.

The ad campaign, intended to keep people from over correcting and jerking their steering wheels in icy conditions, struck some as offensive because of its allusion to masturbation.

If you didn't immediately see this and think it was about jerking off then we either aren't, or should cease to be, friends. So yeah, if this was really meant to reference 'jerking the wheel' then I guess canceling it is the right move. However, that's not really the point. Male or female, if you have never 'put it in manual' while driving, or at least thought about it, then there is really only one explanation. You are an asexual asshole who needs to get off your high horse. Let's keep it real. Exhibitionism is fun. There's just a better thrill to getting your rocks off in public then to do behind the safety of your bathroom door. So if you can't find a nice young lady to 'keep you company' in the church bathroom, or a woman of the highest ilk to go down on you on the Turnpike, then you might have to throw it in cruise control from time to time. 

I would say the number one culprit of masturbation is boredom. There are two places I can promise boredom. In my car and in South Dakota. The fine legislators of South Dakota should just be happy that people aren't running their cars off the road in attempted suicides. I am pretty sure that's the alternative. One of the biggest geographical inquiries I have ever had is why there are two Dakotas. Not a shot in hell there is enough happening in either state to warrant a second. I'm sure there is very historical, logical explanation. If I lived in South Dakota I would be chaffing everyday of life. Do they even have color television there? I would like a poll taken to see how often the average citizen gets off on a day to day basis in the Dakotas. I bet if you took a black light to South Dakota it would blind people in South America.

Really, let's just keep focusing on texting and driving. Far more dangerous. Of all the distracting things people do in cars that would cause them to jerk the wheel, jerking off isn't even in the top three. Texting, doing makeup, looking for things in the back seat, fiddling with the radio. All of those require far more visual attention. 

P.S. Think before you jerk couldn't be a more diabolical request. No one can think straight with one in the chamber.