Steve Ballmer Dunking After Unveiling The New Clippers Mascot Is Proof That Money Can Buy You Happiness

Welcome @ChuckTheCondor to Clipper Nation!https://t.co/j4tAxfoOit #HiChuckhttps://t.co/Bv1gm53J0t

— LA Clippers (@LAClippers) March 1, 2016

Chuck dunked. Steve dunked.
Everyone is going home with a fresh new pair of Chucks. #HiChuckhttps://t.co/KTvpICGyvM

— LA Clippers (@LAClippers) March 1, 2016

Remember the movie 'Blank Check'? You know, the classic flick about a 12 year kid that gets his hands on -well- a blank check and cashes it for a million dollars? Next thing you know he's living his own baller ass crib, has his own driver/personal assistant, and can shoot down from his upstairs bedroom into a pool in the backyard via tube slide? Now imagine that prepubescent boy was actually a 59 year old man, that million dollars was instead a net worth of $24 billion, and that mansion was the Los Angeles Clippers organization. That's how I view Steve Ballmer. Just a big child living out all his childhood fantasies through the professional sports franchise that he bought. I'm pretty sure Steve Ballmer sits in on marketing meetings, listens to a room full of qualified people spitball their ideas, and then when they are done he says "I like what you guys are thinking, but here's what we are actually going to do". He may not be the most competent decision maker, but he is definitely the richest. It's almost like he just walked through the doors of the Staples Center and told everyone "I paid $2 billion to pry this team from the cold, half dead hands of an openly racist bigot and I am going to do whatever I want with it".

That's how you end up with new jerseys that look like they were designed on a video game console. That's how you end up with you owner joining in the halftime theatrics by launching himself off a trampoline to throw one down in front of the entire crowd. It's definitely how you end up with a new mascot named 'Chuck the Condor' that makes about as much sense as some of Doc Rivers personnel transactions. I wouldn't even be surprised if Steve Ballmer's favorite animal growing up was -for some inexplicably reason- a condor. If he didn't have an imaginary friend named Chuck then he regrets not having an imaginary friend named Chuck every single day. I couldn't be more sure that the Clippers PR team was responsible for throwing Converse All Star's on a winged bird just so they could add a little bit of rationale to something that was a direct reflection of Steve Ballmer's imagination. If money can't buy happiness then it must just be a HUGE coincidence that Steve Ballmer has ALL the money and ALL the happiness.