Ted Cruz Made A Funny At The Expense Of His Equally As Detestable Doppelgänger

@Deadspin what do I win? pic.twitter.com/9XuRmmIkJS

— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) January 25, 2017

No! Don't do it 'Lyin' Ted'! Don't make me pity Grayson Allen! I'm of the frame of mind that there's no amount of evil that a kid who has developed into the most insufferable version of the prototypical whiney, white Dukie could encounter that would make me feel bad for him. I genuinely believe that he earned every unprovoked act of retribution that comes his way after he's sent more people tripping than the 1960's psychedelics scene. However, being the butt of a Ted Cruz joke in which he makes light of the fact that Grayson Allen looks like the love child of him and whatever elitist, athletic specimen Coach K keeps artificially inseminating every time a loathsome, fratty-looking fuck graduates comes mighty close to making me say "enough is enough".

I probably could have said this weeks ago as well, but I don't even know how Grayson Allen can look himself in the mirror. He probably can't even pass by a family portrait anymore without having to double and triple check his ear lobes and hairline because his mind is playing tricks on him. I want to say he brought this on himself because I have no problem questioning his intentions when he so much as gets out of bed in the morning. However, I have a hard time making the argument that even the douchiest of college kids deserves a lifetime association with a politician whose face looks exactly like his personality and who keeps going back and forth on whether or not he enjoys being on the receiving end of Donald Trump's golden showers.

This is obviously a pretty old comparison at this point, but I don't know how any of us can continue to truly enjoy it when we know that Ted Cruz let out a crippling cackle that would send shivers up the most sturdy of spines when he called attention to it for laughs on the internet. Can we just continue to encourage opponents to physically bully Grayson Allen while he's on the way to his bench, because that puts more of a smile on my face than letting Ted Cruz think he's funny - even for a second...

All Grayson Allen has to do is walk in a straight line for people to want to punch him in the face pic.twitter.com/K4UhVfV5g8

— Barstool Sports (@barstooltweetss) January 24, 2017