The 49er's Pursuit Of Sean Payton Gave Me A Much Needed Laugh On This Miserable Monday Morning

Now that 49ers have parted ways with Jim Tomsula, they are expected to explore idea of hiring Saints HC Sean Payton, per @mortreport and me.

— Adam Schefter (@AdamSchefter) January 4, 2016

Hey San Francisco, with all due respect, piss off. I appreciate the laugh and all, but there are real life teams I actually have to worry about making a a genuine push for Sean Payton. I don't have time to concern myself with organizations that are just looking for someone to conduct their train wreck. Sean Payton is a head football coach, not a firefighter, so look elsewhere if you are trying to find someone to tame your dumpster fire of an organization. I would love to be a fly on the wall for that conversation...

"Hey Sean, this is the San Francisco Forty-Nin...::click::...Sean? You there?"

Let's just Sean Payton woke up on the right side of the bed and was willing to hear their pitch. What exactly would their pitch be?

"Well, for starters we have a very young, very athletic quarterback....that got beat out for the position by someone that couldn't start for the Jacksonville Jaguars. We are very adaptable on offense, because we have next to nothing in terms of offensive firepower. Our defense used to be among the best in the league, but then all the talent mysteriously retired in the same offseason. Basically, you can do whatever you want because any change would be a positive one. Oh yeah, and we play in California so the weather is like, nice and stuff."

Let's forget for a second that the 49er's absolutely stink and would require a full blown rebuild to be even moderately competitive. Sean Payton should be insulted by the fact that they think they can go from the NFL equivalent of Al Borland to Sean Payton in one offseason. That's like trading in your Jetta and purchasing a Porsche. That jump is simply too big. You have to have a year or two when you go with a Lincoln and ease yourself back into the upper class. San Francisco damaged the prestige of their head coaching position by hiring Jim Tomsula. I don't care if they have a long, storied history, they should just take Chip Kelly and shut the fuck up. You don't go from hiring a defensive line coach that no one has ever heard of to hiring the biggest name on the market in one year.

If I were Sean Payton I would do a little soul searching after getting that phone call. Talk about a motivational tool. The league thinks so little of him that even the 49er's think they have a chance!?! That's like the nerd asking the hottest girl in high school to prom. You just know that after she defiantly says "no" she goes to the bathroom to make sure she still looks flawless. The mere thought of getting an offer from a hopeless franchise that doesn't deserve to share in the ground he walks on should be enough to make Sean Payton's internal fire burn a little brighter. Let's hope New Orleans is the city where that comes to fruition.