Metro- A British woman who woke up with a strong Chinese accent – despite never having been to China – has been told it’s permanent.
Sarah Colwill, 40, had a stroke, and woke up with a completely different accent.
It’s one of only 20 known cases of Foreign Accent Syndrome worldwide
Sarah, of Plymouth, Devon, said: ‘They’ve tried various treatments; they’ve tried everything, but nothing makes a difference.
‘Being told I would be like this forever was a heartbreaking thing to hear. It was a real bombshell.
‘I am still the same person inside. Of course, people who did not know me before have met a totally different person – but I am still Sarah from Plymouth.
‘Sometimes people cannot understand me, which is frustrating. But when my speech is really bad, I just don’t speak.
Every time someone learns that I am from New Jersey they give me a "that's so weird, you don't have an accent". I usually consider that a compliment because it's better than sounding like I just walked off the set of 'The Jersey Shore' and directly into an Italian run deli. With that said, I have always thought having a different accent would be kind of cool. However, if the alternative of having a bland, WASPY voice is to wake up overusing the letter 'R' than I retract that previous sentiment. No joke, If I had a stroke and woke up speaking fucking Chinese I would do everything possible to induce another stroke. I don't even know the main cause of strokes, but I'll just assume that abusing your body with fatty foods, alcohol, and tobacco would be a pretty solid start to a followup episode. That's the only way to fix it, right? Remember in 'Rookie Of The Year' when Henry fell at school and automatically turned into a Major League sensation? Well, the only way to undo that was for him to accidentally fall again. I have got to imagine the same concept is at play here. I mean, sure, a second stroke might cost you your life, or at the very least a few brain cells, but it's better than spending the rest of your life getting confused for the cashier at 'Wang's Wok'.
This poor, poor woman. There isn't a bigger negative disparity in accents throughout the entire world than British to Chinese. Her accent was like the best thing she had working in her favor. It's like passing out black and waking up with a small dick, or going to sleep a man and waking up with the inability to throw a football. Let's be honest, this woman isn't the most ascetically pleasing person in the world. However, give me a beer or 20 and I would at least let her whisper sweet, British nothings in my ear. Meanwhile, there are very few things I wouldn't do to avoid conversing with Asian people in broken English. Imagine if everyone went from thinking you had a pleasant, even sexy, voice to asking you to repeat yourself 30 times? Holy shit, If i have to repeat myself to someone more than twice I am ready to scrap the entire conversation. Never mind having to do so every time you speak and knowing that the problem is you. Knowing that your voice box was invaded by the ghost of a dead dry cleaner. Knowing that every Asian person finds you offensive, while literally EVERYBODY else finds you exhausting. On a day where I watched a Florida State quarterback cold clock a female, this woman's story is the most cringeworthy thing I have seen. I guarantee Jin is somewhere laughing to himself and saying "I told ya so...".
P.S. You absolutely can't not laugh when this woman is talking about her motor skills not being able to function in a Chinese accent. She gets a gold star for that word choice.