PuckDaddy- Jack Edwards, Boston Bruins play-by-play guy and noted American war historian, was calling the B’s game against the San Jose Sharks last week when he paused to remember one of the greatest tragedies in our nation’s history that never actually happened:
The Bowling Green Massacre.
Edwards noted that Sharks center Ryan Carpenter was ready to take the faceoff, and that he was a product of Bowling Green University.
“Three years at Bowling Green, and miraculously, was not killed in the Bowling Green Massacre. Which of course never happened,” he said.
Relatively funny? Yup.
Attention grabbing? Uh huh.
Make at least half the people that heard it yell "stick to sports!" at their television? You bet your ass.
Yup, looks like Jack Edwards checked all the boxes as they apply to a solid, albeit harmless, political joke in 2017. I wish he had left out the "which of course never happened" because he treaded dangerously close to making his joke less funny by explaining it, but I understand why he didn't want those less in tune with completely fabricated tragedies to think he was trying to insert actual mass shootings into the broadcast for no reason. All in all, I give him a 'B+'. It felt a little forced, but what liners about fictitious terrorist attacks can only sit on the tip of the tongue for so long. I'm not usually one to give extra credit, but he gets additional points from me for managing to hold out more than one commercial break.
More importantly, how much does it suck for Bowling Green that Kellyanne Conway's dumbass temporarily turned the entirety of their university into a punchline? I feel pretty comfortable saying that gone are the days in which people heard "Bowling Green" and instantly thought of a second tier football program in the MAC. From here on out, they will always be associated with a "massacre" that never even fucking happened. If your degree happened to come from a certain institution in rural Ohio then it might be time to take it down off the wall for awhile, because there's a good chance that your "libtarded" friends and family won't be able to help themselves.