The Devils Signed Borderline NHL Defenseman David Schlemko, Annnnd I Came.

Fire&Ice- The Devils announced this afternoon that they signed defenseman David Schlemko to a one-year, one-way contract for $625,000.

“David Schlemko is a veteran with five years of NHL experience who brings depth and competition to our defensive corps,” GM Ray Shero said in the news release announcing the signing.

The Devils suddenly have a crowded blue line with Andy Greene, John Moore, Adam Larsson, Eric Gelinas and Schlemko on one-way contracts and Jon Merrill and Damon Severson, who are both on two-way deals, also returning from last year's team. In addition, Seth Helgeson, Raman Hrabarenka and Vojtech Mozik are all expected to compete for jobs on the Devils' defense in training camp.

Schlemko, 28, is one of the more experienced and older players in that group, though, and could fit well as the seventh defensemen. So, his signing doesn't necessarily mean the Devils are looking to move a defenseman, but it does give them options.


Under 30? Check
Fairly quick skater? Check.
Does this...

CHECK! CHECK! CHECK!

Whew, almost forgot what we are were talking about there for a second. Sorry, I was too busy FLOODING my boxers. Clean up, Aisle Bob. You know what this guy has to do to win me over? That. No really, just that. Over. And over. And over again. I don't even care if it's in a game. Just do it in practice and videotape it. Shit, he can do it in his kitchen on his wife or girlfriend and it will be more aesthetically pleasing that 96.4% of the Devils shootout attempts over the last two years. That's what you need out of your 7th, or 8th, or 9th, or who even knows how many defenseman the Devils have now? Whatever, as long as some of them can come in and make me go 6-to-Midnight in 3 seconds flat then they can sign as many borderline NHL defenseman as they want. 

I have said multiple times this offseason that win or lose, I just don't want the Devils to be boring this year. I guess Ray Shero is up there listening because that's about as exciting as a glorified AHL defenseman can possibly get. That's right Tuuka Rask. Don't walk away, RUN! David Schlemko is coming to a town (kinda) near you, and he's already (by default) the favorite to shoot first. Better bust out that BENGAY, because Schlemko is breaking ankles and tearing groins, and there's not a damn goalie out there that can stop him...you know...assuming all his scoring chances come when there is no one else on the ice. Okay, got to cut this one short, someone's got some laundry to do if you catch my drift...