The Devils Took The Maple Leafs Will To Live And Defecated On It

Check the pulse. Call the morgue. Ready the funeral processions. The Maple Leafs are dead and  by all logical counts it was the Devils that are responsible. No matter that the Devils were outshot by the ratio of 2:1. That's all a part of the game plan, as far as I can tell anyone. Outshot 154-87 during the 5 game home stand and skipping away with a 4-0-1 record. It's a little strategy I call 'rope a dope', ever heard of it. It's pretty famous. Bet you don't even know that Muhammad, the guy that made it famous, has the most commonly used name on the planet. How about you read a book? I told you it's important to build from the goaltender on out. You know the cat toy that is a stick with a string and a stuffed mouse on the end of it? The Devils have been treating their opponent like the cat. Just letting the opponent pounce all over them only to tear the game away from them at a moment's notice. Enjoy tiring yourself out by firing an endless amount of pucks at the impenetrable ginger that is Cory Schneider. I don't even get nervous when teams have point blank opportunities on Cory anymore. I'll fucking get up to get another beer while the opposition has a 2 on 1. Call me when someone actually has a chance to score. 
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How about Steve Bernier? Six goals in eight games. How is that even possible? I actually think that Bernier would be more productive if he didn't use a stick when he played the game of hockey. I think 60% of his goals come from going to the tough areas and getting hit with the puck. Most of the time they need to zoom in on a replay and slow it down to a quarter of the speed to see that it even hit him. He's been the beneficiary of more scoring changes than any player in the history of sports. His job description is pretty much "get to the front of the net and cover your nuts". 

Are we witnessing the new age CBGB line? Ruutu-Josefson-Tootoo have been killin' it. Two players whose mere presence on the opening day roster had me nauseous. Now they are providing an offensive spark. Who would have thought that the best thing for Josefson's career would be Jordin Tootoo, and vice versa? They are basically the personification of Fireball. Cinnamon or whiskey on it's own? Meh. Putting them together screams bad decision, but apparently results in a good time for all parties involved.

Congrats to Patrik Elias. Milestone after milestone. All in the red and black. I think the coolest thing about Elias accomplishments is that he takes so much pride in the fact that they all came in a Devils jersey. That very well may be lip service. Shit, it probably is, but it's the type of lip service I can get behind. Just another type of lip service that can keep my dick hard. 400 goals for a player that prides himself on his ability to create for others. Pretty awesome. That big number 26 will look good hovering over the Prudential Center ice one day