The last thing I would ever want to do is drain the creative juices of those crazy enough to slap on the pads and invite high speed impact from tightly compacted vulcanized rubber. Everyone knows that goaltenders got a lot going on up there, so they might as well be able to show the overactivity of their brain on the canvas that is the equipment used to protect it. Plus, most goalie masks end up being aesthetically pleasing pieces of art, and the overtly American masks that the trio of women that were sworn to serve and protect their cage on international ice planned on wearing are no different. Unfortunately, I can kind of see where the IOC is coming from in trying to blow out Lady Liberty's proudly burning torch. Regardless of how the New England Patriots operate, the biggest problem with rules is that they are theoretically supposed to apply to everybody. So while the virtues of freedom, acceptance, and democracy don't seem inherently problematic to anyone but the President, the same probably can't be said about the outside ideologies that have made the United States such a desirable destination. If anything, the fact that most Americans - myself included - think this ruling would be complete bullshit is a credit to how naive we have the ability to be to the extremely suspect values of the vast majority of the rest of the world. So sure, it seems a bit dictatorial to tell Team USA that they can't paint an awe-inspiring statue that represents the right side of wrong on their helmets, but it becomes a lot more understandable when faced with the prospect of looking head-on at Kim Jong-Un's airbrushed haircut while trying to pick a corner with your snapshot. When legislating those with a wide range of morals it's important to look at the worst case scenario, and the worst case scenario is that the team of ringers formerly know as Russia is backstopped by someone with "To Hell With Homosexuals" imprinted across his or her helmet. That might seem radical, but so does living in a country where women are forced to show up to the rink with their face wrapped in something much more restricting than a scarf. There are definitely a bunch of exceptions, but - globally speaking - there's too much horrific shit being encouraged to open up Pandora's box of offensive muses for murals. This ruling would definitely be misconstruing patriotism as politics, but at least the Olympics wouldn't be opening themselves to becoming an event where fascists feel free to illustrate their philosophies. It sucks we might have to concede our protective craftsmanship, but it's really the least we could do to meet a middle ground with nations that still consider women's hockey as oxymoronic as they consider transsexuality. UPDATE: They ended up being allowed to wear them, because...well...America, the beautiful...
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