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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

The Police Were Called To An Apartment Because A Grown Man Was Screaming Threats At A Spider

12/1/2015

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Yahoo- Police were called to an Australian apartment when neighbors heard what they thought was a man threatening to kill a woman. Turns out, those threats were directed at a spider.

The Harbourside Local Area Command says it dispatched multiple officers to the scene after the man was heard yelling "I'm going to kill you, your dead!" Neighbors also reporting hearing a woman screaming and the sound of furniture being thrown around.

The police agency later posted the following transcript on its Facebook page describing the conversation between the man and officers that followed:


  • Police: "Where's your wife?"
    Man: "Umm I don't have one."
    Police: "Where's your girlfriend?"
    Man: "Umm I don't have one."
    Police: "We had a report of a domestic and a women screaming, where is she?"
    Man: "I don't know what you're talking about. I live alone."
    Police: "Come on mate people clearly heard you yelling you were going to kill her and furniture getting thrown around the unit... What have you done to her?"
      Man: "It was a spider."
      Police: "Sorry??"
      Man: "It was a spider, a really big one!!
      Police: "What about the women screaming?"
      Man: "Yeah sorry that was me. I really really hate spiders."




​Wait a second, is NOT verbally taunting spiders before you kill them even a thing? I would go as far as saying I speak to every bug or insect I kill directly before I murder it in cold blood. Even gnats are getting a little talking to before I swat at them for 5 minutes and eventually just assume they are dead because they are no longer slowly driving me crazy by buzzing around my head. 

Now, shrieking to the point that the cops need to be called is a bit much. Might want to change your approach if your neighbors truly believe a woman is being brutally beaten in your living room. If you are making enough noise for a violent couple then you might be overreacting. However, this is a spider we are talking about, and I will never judge another man for how much of a pansy he becomes around an 8 legged freak. Laugh at this guy if you want, but that spider is dead, and I for one am happy for him. I'd like to think that I have never had strangers fearing for the life of my non-existent live-in girlfriend, but you know what, maybe I just haven't encountered a spider as large as the one this guy had to stomp out. Either way, no harm no foul I suppose, but he might want to soundproof the walls if he cant silence himself or his murder weapon. The last thing someone experiencing the relief of killing a spider needs is to encounter an overly presumptuous police officer. 
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