The Raiders Have Notified Their Season Ticket Holders That They Have Absolutely No Idea Where They'll Be Playing Next Season, Which Is Kinda Hot

The Raiders have begun calling season ticket holders telling them that they don't know where they are going to play next season, but ticket reps will stay in touch.

— Darren Rovell (@darrenrovell) January 28, 2019

Sold. Wait, what was the question? You know what, never mind. I'll take an entire row, please and thank you. 

I don't necessarily love the figurative or literal direction of an organization that's being led by an overpaid parody of an antiquated NFL coach and stands next to no chance of playing their home games within 2,500 miles of my apartment. Regardless, all the sudden I just feel this insatiable urge to be a Raiders' season ticket holder. That's entirely illogical, but since when has the allure of the mysterious made sense? I don't even think they are flirting with prospective fans as much as they offering dismissive disclosure to those crazy enough to stay financially faithful to a franchise in flux, but they've certainly got me planning our fucked up future together. As it turns out, temporary homelessness is kinda hot, though we probably should have picked up on that when Shawn had lips puckering on Boy Meets World.

I currently find myself so deeply attracted to a shitty team that left its roster in ruins when it shipped out a generational player that ended up outperforming their entire defense, and it's due entirely to the unknown. If their playing field is going to match their performance then they might end up playing on cracked pavement in a not-so-Golden area of the State, but what if they...well, I suppose there is not a single optimal option for where they might take provisional residence prior to relocating to Sin City. 

Whatever, that's not the point. The point is that I owe every girl who has ever instinctually fallen for a guy she knew to be an asshole an apology. After all, by being vaguely non-committal with their communication and shamelessly not giving a single smear of shit about their fans the Raiders might actually be attracting more.

Other than not being remotely close to the case, I don't see any problem with the Raiders being run a laughably doomed relationship...if they'd even call it that.