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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

The Ravens Owner Asked For Spiritual Guidance In Trying To Figure Out If Signing Colin Kaepernick Is Worth It

7/31/2017

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PFT- The issue arose at a fan forum on Sunday, when someone asked Bisciotti whether he’s concerned that adding Kaepernick would hurt the team’s “brand.”

“We’ve very sensitive to it and we’re monitoring it, and we’re still, as [General Manager] Ozzie [Newsome] said, scrimmaging it,” Bisciotti said, via the team’s official website. “So pray for us.”

Bisciotti also addressed the inherent presumption within the question that signing someone who protested during the national anthem throughout 2016 would harm the team’s image.

“Quantify hurting the brand,” Bisciotti said. “I know that we’re going to upset some people, and I know that we’re going to make people happy that we stood up for somebody that has the right to do what he did. Non-violent protesting is something that we have all embraced. I don’t like the way he did it. Personally, I kind of liked it a lot when he went from sitting to kneeling. I don’t know, I’m Catholic, we spend a lot of time kneeling.”

“Talk to your neighbors and your friends and your co-workers, because I think you’ll get the same sense that I got, which is every time I hear something negative, I hear something positive and sometimes it shocks me who it’s coming from,” Bisciotti said. “I hope we do what is best for the team and balance that with what’s best for the fans. Your opinions matter to us, and we couldn’t get a consensus on it in [this room] either.”

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Everyone, drop to your knees. Actually, scratch that. First listen intently to make sure the National Anthem isn't inexplicably playing anywhere within a one mile radius and then drop to your knees. The Baltimore Ravens owner asked nicely for our prayers, and - considering he was forthright enough to admit to a league-wide thought process that everyone with even a loose grip on reality have seen taking place for months - dare I say that we at least owe him that much.

After all, Steve Bisciotti is the person in charge of the franchise that has glorified the career of someone who - at the very least - was an accomplice to murder to such an outrageous extent that his likeness is literally immortalized in bronze outside of their stadium. Yes, the very same man that was willing to look past a little domestic abuse until the downright sickening visual evidence of the crime that he damn well knew took place forced him to reconfigure his backfield. Of course that same guy needs a little religious enlightenment to help him decide whether or not a peaceful protest of police brutality is an unforgivable offense that's worthy of a forcing a qualified candidate out of a job. If there's one thing that he's made clear throughout his tenure it's that when it comes to differentiating right from wrong he can't tell his ass from his fucking elbow.

So please, look up towards that mystery man in the sky and beg him to deliver Steve Bisciotti from the undeniable evils that he has already excused in the name of winning football games. Christ Almighty, please show him the light by reminding him of the time that hundreds of morons showed up to a Ravens preseason game in Ray Rice jerseys because fans are completely full of shit and will recalibrate their moral compass for anyone that can hypothetically help their team win. Please most holy and divine, intervene and bless this billionaire with the knowledge that being "unAmerican" isn't an actual crime, and - even if it were - taking a knee during a memorial song on behalf of an honorable cause before investing millions of dollars and a wealth of time into it's growth wouldn't fall under it's incredibly vague legislation. As you know best Lord, he sure as shit ain't going to figure it out by himself.
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