TMZ- The Royals exec was talking to the media about pitcher Danny Duffy's DUI -- when he was asked if there were "educational protocols" in place to help keep other players out of trouble.
That's when Moore revealed team programs to educate players about the dangers of drugs, alcohol and porn. "We talk about pornography and the effects of what that does to the minds of players and the distractions ... And how that leads to abuse of -- domestic abuse -- to abuse of women." Moore said the team also discusses how porn impacts relationships. Moore says the goal is to help his players become better people -- husbands, brothers, teammates. -------- I guess that settles that. Here I was thinking that baseball's entertainment value was being neutered by old, repressed white men and their antiquated, overly traditionalist values, and...well...according to Dayton Moore I have actually never been more right about anything in my entire fucking life. In fact, this level of accuracy is so foreign to me that I can't even remember the twists and turns we took down the path that led from drinking and driving to jerking off and beating your wife. Is the Royals GM some sort of evil genius that managed to make a connection so goddamned absurd that we instantly forgot that Danny Duffy's drunk ass fell asleep waiting for some french fries? Is he literally so clogged up with cum that he can't answer a laughably unrelated question without referring to the porn that he encourages his players to also avoid at all costs? I don't know what the hell the goal of that answer was, but I genuinely think we should be concerned about the safety of Dayton Moore's loved ones if he truly believes that emptying the tank is the root cause of spousal abuse. I felt like I was sitting around the poker table listening to Steve Carell's character describe a boob as a bag of sand while trying to wrap my brain around that response. Is it possible that the 50 year old General Manager of a professional baseball team has never enlisted some professional help while rubbing one out? If he has, does the result not immediately clear his head of everything but a little harmless self loathing? Has the clubhouse really been brainwashed by this asinine line of thinking? Could I have snapped the Kansas City Royals out of their 43 inning scoreless streak days ago if I just quickly flashed see POV assplay up on their projection screen? What's a horse shoe? What does a horse shoe do? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?!? Ahhhh, I have so many questions!!! I guess if I were to sum it up with one I would ask if the whole point of that press conference was to get me to ask myself all the other ones while completely ignoring that one of Dayton Moore's starting pitchers was so inebriated behind the wheel that he couldn't drive-thru something that is literally built for convenience? If not, then what exactly was the point of comparing the actual dangers of mind-altering substance abuse to the fictitious dangers of using visual aides for mind-clearing genital abuse? I may not have any of those answers, but I did come away from what oddly became a public condemnation of technologically enhanced masturbation with a slightly better understanding of something. And that is the underlying inhibitions that ultimately encourage grown men to hurl dangerous projectiles at the heads of other grown men when they exude even the tiniest bit of arousal or excitement on the baseball diamond.
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