The Spurs Leaving This Kid On The 'Kiss Cam' For What Seemed Like An Hour Is The Meanest Thing A Franchise has Ever Done
Listen, it's entirely possible that this was completely set up, but goddamn, I don't know what the Spurs stood to gain from it. You know, other than sending an uncomfortable shiver down the spine of each and every one of their fans. Usually such attempts are pretty see-through, but this one seemed as real can be to me. If that kid is an actor than he needs a audition for every part fit for a quirky, introverted white kid currently available in Hollywood. If this was a fabricated scenario than I think the San Antonio Spurs just inadvertently found the next Michael Cera. The last time I felt this awkward while looking at my computer screen was when I watched 'Juno' on NetFlix.
This had all the makings of a failed first date. There's no doubt in my mind that not only weren't they on the same page going into this, but they were on completely separate chapters. The girl sitting in the fetal position while sipping a fountain soda? The guy only taking time away from twiddling his thumbs to drown his sorrows in a $10 beer? That SCREAMS disconnect. If Manu Ginobili's ball handling and Tim Duncan's wardrobe had unprotected sex the resulting baby would be this agonizingly awkward clip. A part of me died inside when that kid went in for the kiss and she abruptly moved herself as far away as possible while still managing to stay in her seat. I wanted to nail him with Rick Moranis' shrink ray just so he could hide in that hat forever. I didn't even know that two people that were sitting directly next to each other could get that far apart. That's a credit to this chick and how uninterested she was in having this be viewed as a date. Shit, it took over a minute of camera time and the peer pressure of an entire stadium full of people to get a peck, it would probably take a PSL to get those panties to drop. I don't know how big of a Spurs fan this kid is, but if I were him I would find a new team ASAP. I don't care how good they been throughout the years, no amount of championships can make up for that prolonged public humiliation. This poor kid. Just keep smiling so you don't cry buddy.