Uproxx- Golden State owner Joe Lacob told himself that if the Warriors could win their first NBA Title in 40 years, that he would sleep with the NBA Championship’s hardware, the Larry O’Brien Championship Trophy, on the night of winning the title. Here’s the catch, though: Lacob isn’t sleeping alone. So, his longtime fiancée, Nicole Curran, also got to cuddle with the trophy on the same night the Warriors won the title in June after beating the Cleveland Cavaliers in six games.
“I had made a promise to myself [that] I would sleep with the trophy that night,” Lacob said in a recent interview with Haute Living. “Nicole and I did sleep with it.”
“I’ll leave it to the imagination,” he said, grinning. “We had a lot of fun with it.”
Far be it for me to criticize someone for nestling up next an inanimate object. When I was a kid I used to keep every brand new pair of hockey skates I ever got right next to me when I dozed off. Some of us just aren't the teddy bear type. My replacement was a pair of the freshest wheels, and Joe Lacob can do a whole lot worse than the NBA championship trophy as his. Is it the most normal thing to do? Probably not, but it's certainly not the most abnormal. In that sense, I was on Job Lacob's side...until he made it weird.
Hey Joe, why'd you have to go and bring imagination into this man? I thought we understood each other. Literally no one wants to accept the fact that old white men have sex unless it's with a girl 25 years their junior on a laptop screen. That's undoubtedly not the case here. I can't just assume that you removed your reading glasses, applied your 'Breathe Right' strip, kissed your future wife on her cheek, and threw your arm around the Larry O'Brien trophy when you tell me to use my imagination. Way deep down did I know that the owner of an NBA franchise was letting his freak flag fly the night he won a championship? Of course I did, but I didn't have to acknowledge that it happened. Now I can't think of anything else. Thanks a lot Joe. Wasn't planning on needing a shower and some mouth wash after this blog, but I have to wash away the thought of your awkward, kinky, engaged sex. I shivered just imagining the the smirk that crept across his face when he dropped that line in the interview. I'll never look at that fucking trophy the same way again.
P.S. His "long time fiancée"? Veteran move, veteran move.
P.P.S. Not half bad Joe, you dog you...