The Woman Who Called The Cops After Not Getting Enough Sprinkles Is An American Hero

NY Mag- After receiving an ice-cream cone with not enough sprinkles over the weekend, a woman in Michigan decided to take matters into her own hands — literally — by screaming at a store clerk and attempting to punch the friend trying to calm her down.

The unnamed woman entered a local gas station on Saturday and ordered an ice-cream cone. When the clerk put too few sprinkles on it, she began to throw a tantrum. 

"The clerk called police because the customer was upset because she didn't have enough sprinkles," the Mason County Sheriff told M Life. 

Her male companion attempted to calm her down, but she began trying to hit him. The two eventually left the store, but the clerk called the police with their license-plate number. They'd already left the area before the cops arrived, though, so no charges were pressed.


Uhh....AND!?! Shouldn't the cops be called to investigate any and every crime? Attempt to tell me that not getting enough sprinkles on your ice cream isn't a crime and I will find the nearest bland ass cup of Haagen Daaz to slam your head into. I am not sure how to characterize this crime, but my best guess would that it's a felony. I'm talking Supreme Court or bust. There is no worse feeling in the world than the last 3 depressing scoops of melted, plain ice cream. It's almost enough to make a man, or woman, not want to get ice cream ever again. It's like the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. A true tragedy. If there was an itch associated with not getting enough sprinkles it would basically be the same thing as a crack addiction. We have placed restrictions on every other mood altering substance in this country, why should a lack of sprinkles be any different?

I know there are probably some people out there asking "how many sprinkles is enough sprinkles?". The answer is that there is no answer. When enough is enough there is no question to be asked. This woman didn't order 5 bites of ice cream with sprinkles. She ordered the whole damn thing with sprinkles. You've got to front load the top. You've got to pack it in on the sides. Anything to ensure that the customer gets all 50 cents worth of sprinkles. Combined the fact that this happened at a gas station and the fact that this woman was denied additional sprinkles and I can only assume this attendant was a terrorist. We are worried about people getting their heads cut off overseas while the real crimes are taking place in our backyard. There are a lot of irrational actions that you can disagree with your lady about, but fighting for her God given right to an infinite amount of sprinkles is not one of them. Memorial Day just passed and we have already forgotten what it means to be a true American.