There's No Bigger Indictment Of "Everyone's A Winner" Culture Than This Dude Who Can't Throw A Football
Everyone remember this guy, who preceded the National Championship by throwing a football that was worth one million dollars so poorly that you'd have to question whether or not his family and friends were going to continue to associate with him?
Well, he's back and - by golly - he is somehow worse than ever....
Look, I'm not saying I have too much pride to completely and repeatedly embarrass myself on national television in exchange for - at the very least - a year's worth of free groceries. Shit, I'd let this noodle-armed son of a bitch beat me in arm wrestling if the price was right. I'm just genuinely concerned that everyone, myself included, has become so enamored with public shaming that we are willing to gift people significant sums of money to provide us the opportunity to mock strangers.
If the decision to throw a goddamn football underhanded while 7 yards away from the target isn't an indication that this was all a sham that was set up by 'Good Morning America' then the fact that he "won" despite his unbridled display of basic male motor skills certainly is. Regardless, it says a whole hell of a lot about how easily amused we have all become. Forget about the kids that are getting presented with 'Honorable Mention' trophies after striking out in tee-ball, because these videos were such egregious examples of sucking your way to success that they made the motives of pornographic secretaries seem genuine. A handshake deal could have been put in place to assure that this dude's attempts were intentionally feeble, but the fact that they were made to appear unintentional and still worth a year's supply of sustenance is an eye-opening indictment of the sadistic monsters that the internet has turned us into.