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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

There's Something Fishy About This 17 Year Old That Married His Friend's Mom 3 Weeks After His Friend's Funeral

7/15/2016

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Metro-  Almeda, 71, from Tennessee fell for 17-year-old Gary Hardwick after meeting him at her son Robert’s funeral. Just three weeks later, the two were married.

The mother-of-four had been completely heartbroken after being widowed and then losing her eldest son, Robert, after a seizure.

Gary, who had always been attracted to older women, said he was also unhappy after feeling trapped in his relationship with a 77-year-old woman.

After meeting each other at the funeral, organised by Robert’s wife, Lisa, the pair couldn’t stop thinking about each other.

Gary said: ‘She had the most gorgeous, sparkling blue eyes. When I told Lisa that I liked Almeda, she said that she liked me too and that she should get us together.’

Almeda said: ‘He was just as I remembered. That smile, those good looks. We were both too nervous to eat, and at one point he fell over his chair.’





​A seizure, huh? Let's just say I am looking forward to that autopsy report, although I doubt the happy couple will ever let it see the light of day. You can paint this as the ultimate love story if you want but not only is it fucking disgusting, it's just a litttttttle too convenient for my liking. I have seen far too many murder mysteries with passion as the motive to believe in love-at-first-sight between a goddamn senior citizen and a teenage granny chaser. I know Chazz Reinhold said that death is "nature's aphrodisiac", but funeral inspired relationships don't result in marriage less than a month later. Something tells me Robert - like most normal people with a functioning head on their shoulders - had a problem with his friend fucking his 71 year old mother, and Gary had to take care of that "problem". I am naturally suspicious of anyone sporting the chinstrap/soul patch combo, and the guy that married his friend's mom 3 weeks after burying his friend is certainly not an exception. Especially not when he's a crucial character in what has played out as the world's most socially unacceptable script. Call me a pessimist, but this has murder conspiracy flick written all over it. Just make sure you keep your finger on the 'Last' button for the inevitable sex scenes. 
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