This Guy Who Misplaced His Tortoise Is The Worst Pet Owner In History

SFGate- Frank, a 50-pound pet tortoise, has been found in western Michigan after a two-day search.

Owner Bradley Clark tells The Grand Rapids Press that he got a call from someone who said the tortoise was munching on flowers Tuesday, 7 miles from home in Kent County's Ada Township.

The female African tortoise disappeared Sunday from Clark's yard in Plainfield Township, near Grand Rapids. Clark believes the 12-year-old tortoise escaped through a damaged part of the fence.

Clark says he got about 100 tips. Two girls found Frank about 100 feet from Clark's home and released the tortoise in a field.

Clark plans to fix his fence. He says the hunt for Frank has been "kind of a crazy roller coaster."



Is it safe to say a man that can't properly take care of a 50 pound tortoise can't take care of himself either? The first place they should bring you after you lose a tortoise is the doctor so you can get a vasectomy. You can't keep your prehistoric turtle in your backyard then how could you possibly be expected to care of a child? Now, granted, a man that owns something like that probably doesn't have to worry about the acts necessary to reproduce too often, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Trust me, if we had a little Bradley wandering the streets with his head in the clouds then we would all be sorry. If you can lose an animal that big and slow then you can pretty much lose anything. This guy could probably lose his penis but I half expect that he hasn't found it yet. He got 100 tips about an animal that moves at a snail's pace. Might be time to install a tracking device, apparently he's not exactly Sherlock Holmes. Never mind the fact that you have to be a pretty creepy dude to own a tortoise for 12 years and a couple little girls next door find it and don't even know it belongs to you. I don't know about you, but I don't think a person that strange should have a couple of young girls within 100 feet of his house. Although he must be a blast at amusement parks if hunting down his tortoise is considered a 'crazy roller coaster'.