This Hockey referee May Have To Put Off His Plans Of Having A Family For Awhile

A little shoutout to all those associated with hockey. All the players, from the NHL to the AHL to the semblance of an 'athlete' that plays in beer leagues around the world. This one was for us. For every bad call (which is undoubtedly all of them is you ask the accused), for every time they blocked a pass up the boards or got in your way while you were back checking. For every whistle that a sexually frustrated official treated like a clitoris. This is so much more than one (or two) testicles ascending into a European man's stomach. This is a hope for a better day. Proof that maybe, just maybe there is someone up there watching over us. Nothing will remind an official that his authority is a mere hallucination like some vulcanized rubber directly to the manhood. Bet you won't "lose sight of the puck" next time, eh? Can't argue that you were in the right position to make the call if that very position is responsible for months upon months of bedrest and a dick that more closely resembles Gonzo's nose. Enjoy that little taste of reality stripes. The only time you'll be saying "two more" in the foreseeable future is when you are asking your wife for percocets. 

I'm not saying all refs are bad people. I am just saying that generally they aren't good people and sometimes they need a clapper to the nuts to remind them of that. It's times like these in life when we must refer back to the very principles that our parents raised us with, you got to keep your eye on the ball, or in this case, the puck. Maybe bad parenting is the reason that grown men go into a profession, or side job, that let's them tell more skilled athletes what they can and can't do. I am sorry to every official I have either intentionally or unintentionally offended. I did not know until this very moment that your parents didn't love you. Ten minutes worth of Unsportsmanlike Conduct is the least I can do to attempt to give your life purpose.