I Sympathize With This Kid That Stuck His Cell Phone In A Cassette Player Expecting It To Play Music

Okay, timeout. The internet is abuzz criticizing this kid for putting his cell phone into what he thought was a cell phone dock, but in reality was a cassette player. Hey guys, I don't want to interrupt your "back in my day" speeches or anything, but it's 2015. You show me a car that has a cassette player with NO AUX plug-in, and I'll show you a car with a fucking iPhone sticking out of the middle of it's radio panel. I see a lot of people saying that this is a sign of the downfall of our youth. That children are regressing into mindless piles of stupid with each passing generation. Well, yeah, that's definitely true, but this isn't a regression, this is a progression. The less kids know about antiquated technology   the better. Get that shit out of here. This falls short of making any sense at all, but I hope that cell phone short-circuited that entire car. Just fried it from the inside out. That's what a car dealership deserves for trying to sell a car with a goddamn cassette player. Cassette players are old for me, and I'm OLD. I'm damn near 30 and sitting here reminiscing about the glory days of my Discman that skipped every time my hand twitched. Even then, before the invention of MP3 players, I was looking at people with cassette players like their family was one missed paycheck away from living on the streets. No joke, if you see someone with a cassette in their hand, I want you to give them a dollar. Hell, give them the clothes off your back and the shoes off your feet. Trust me, they need it more than you.

This kid may be dumb, scratch that, this kid is dumb. However, I am not going to sit here and criticize him for not knowing how to use obsolete technology. He's got a limited brain capacity and I am going to expect him to waste whatever room he's got up there to learn how to use something that went out of style in the early 90's? This kid's mom was wiping his asshole while his older brother was already accidentally scratching the back of his first ever, brand new Compact disc. Put me in front of a rotary phone and I'll probably look like a confused monkey for a minute or two. Give me an 8-track player and I'll look exactly how I am supposed to look. Like an entitled, appalled millennial that is too good for that garbage. Sure, it seems obvious to us that a cassette drive isn't a cell phone dock, but we haven't spent the entirety of our lives using objects that don't look like music players as music players. All things considered, "when in doubt, stick your smart phone in it" isn't the worst strategy to abide by in this day and age. That's all this kid knows, and that's all that kid should know, because the day we need cassette players again is the surest sign of the apocalypse.