This Relationship Contract Between 8th Graders Should Be Signed By Couples Of All Ages

Found on the floor after class in a middle school: a relationship contract between 8th graders. (He signed it) pic.twitter.com/SPmDjNdjVi

— max linsky (@maxlinsky) June 10, 2016

I don't know who this hardly pubescent chick is, but she deserves a goddamn medal of honor for being the first female to lay all her cards on the table PRIOR to entering into a relationship. For the first time in - what I imagine to be - forever a man knows exactly what he is signing up. Someone find room for this girl on a form of American currency, because she just pulled back the curtain on centuries of inter-gender miscommunication. 

​I think every guy has a couple of friends that will get themselves a girlfriend just to avoid loneliness, and I can't help but think they would welcome a little solitude if they knew the alternative was succumbing to the by-laws of this contract. Make no mistake, what this middle schooler just came up with is pretty much exactly what it means to be a boyfriend. It may have been put in very simplistic terms, but this is the bare bones of pledging your allegiance to someone of the fairer sex. 

There will be no looking at, touching of, or acknowledging anyone else with a vagina (i.e. "hoes"). There will be no turning down of conversational requests. You will show affection when called upon. You will be responsible for any and all bills as they apply to sustenance (alcoholism included). Last but not least, you will go through months upon months of painstaking litigation if you are the one that tries to break the signed commitment. I'm not sure physical abuse is something that can be legally binding, but no self respecting man is going to cry about catching a forehand-backhand combo after making a girl cry. This shamelessly open teenager did a hell of a job of letting this poor sap know exactly what to expect, and unfortunately - after the honeymoon period of course- it sounds a lot like a death sentence.