This Security Guard Who Got Handsy With Himself At The Chargers Game Probably Needs Professional Help

#SanDiegoChargers Security Masturbating on the field!!! #WTFapp?!?!@nbcsandiego #NBC7 #SanDiego #chargers#yikes! pic.twitter.com/vEwiHwyXou

— LOV (@LOV_app) December 20, 2016

NYPost-  A video posted on Facebook shows the unidentified guard seemingly pleasuring himself while facing the cheer section at Qualcomm Stadium during the Chargers’ game against the Oakland Raiders.

“So clearly Elite Security nor the San Diego Chargers care that they have a masturbating security guard at the game,” one horrified woman at the game posted. 'Several attempts to call both organizations with no concern for the Charger Girls, Chargers fans or kids. So yeah this happened right in front of us yesterday. WARNING INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT!”

Team officials confirmed the “disturbing actions” of the security guard in an email to The Post.

“The Chargers, Elite Security as well as the San Diego Police Department are aware of the disturbing actions of an Elite Security staff member at Sunday’s game,” the statement read. “We apologize to any fans who may have witnessed the incident.  Elite Security is currently investigating the incident and has vowed to take immediate and appropriate action.”

Team officials also released a statement from Elite Security, which apologized for the “isolated incident” during Sunday’s game at the stadium, where an average of 57,326 fans have watched NFL games this year, according to ESPN.



I can't say I expected to see what I just saw. I'm definitely not saying I was misled or anything, but when I pictured a security guard masturbating on the field in front of tens of thousands of people at a professional football game I imagined something a little more discrete. I thought I was going to watch a clip of some poor schmuck repeatedly pretending to wipe the sweat off his hand, not some kid venturing under the hood to go hammer time to the beat of his own drum like there was no one watching.

That's why I think we really need to be careful labeling this dude a disgusting pervert that's deserving of all the public shame. Well, the first part is absolutely true, but let's hold off on crucifying him because it's clear as day that this guy has a very real problem. No doubt it's the most disturbing of behavior, but firing one off down your own pant leg in public isn't something that anyone wants to do. That nut was strictly out of necessity. If Tiger Woods odd affinity for having Perkin's waitresses in compromising positions was a "sex addiction" then what that kid has is full blown sexual enslavement. That security guard is a prisoner to his own penis. What I just witnessed is the masturbatory equivalent of sucking dick for crack. That was no act of exhibitionism and I know this because that kids RPM's are proof positive that we wasn't playing no game. He needed his fix of self-love and assigning him to the cheerleaders' section of the field was basically the same thing as going to dinner with an alcoholic and choosing to eat at the bar. 

P.S. I'm putting 45% of the blame on the person responsible for the hiring process. That scrawny little predator couldn't stop me from doing a damn thing with two hands never mind with one permenantly affixed to his "stimulant" of choice, and he was the one put in charge of protecting the scantily clad girls on the sideline?!