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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Three Masked Illinois Football Players Were Caught Robbing An Apartment After Apparently Forgetting They Are Football Players

5/10/2017

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DrSaturday- Three Illinois football players were arrested on Wednesday on charges of home invasion and armed robbery after an alleged incident at a school dormitory.

Darta Lee, Zarrian Holcombe and Howard Watkins were all booked throughout Wednesday morning at Champaign County Jail, according to online records. All three are set to be arraigned at 1:30 p.m. CT on Thursday.

Champaign police Lt. Dave Shaffer told the (Champaign) News-Gazette that the incident appeared to be a “stupid plan” that went wrong once the victim recognized the voice of one of the players.

From the newspaper:

“Three individuals entered an apartment masked and the victim recognized one of them by voice,” Shaffer said. “He pulled his mask off and tried to make light of the situation. One of them produced what we now know to be fake firearm and demanded cash.”


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I would love to play the contrarian here, but it's tough not to agree with the Police Lieutenant in saying this was - indeed - a stupid plan. Three football players thinking that they could rob the apartment of someone that knew at least one of them well enough to be like "Darta? That you bro?" when he said "give me all your money now" is - objectively speaking - not smart. Continuing to carry out the theft after your accomplice unveils his not-so-secret identity is - without question - actually dumb. That said, I can't help but think that quick and easy voice recognition wasn't even the most mind-numbing aspect of this attempted robbery.

Consider this - Darta Lee is 6'3, 300 pounds, Zarrian Holcombe is 6'6, 220 pounds, and Howard Watkins is 6'5, 280 pounds. Who the fuck did they think they were fooling with ski masks? I admittedly haven't visited the University of Illinois, but something tells me that trio tends to stick out around campus. I'm honestly shocked that the victim had to hear them speak before putting the pieces together. I bet the guy that they tried to stick up could recognize them from afar while they are running around the practice field in full pads and helmets, so why the hell would a thin piece of black cloth over their faces throw him off their scent? You know how people say that the kid that matures faster than his peers "doesn't know his own strength"? Well, it's very clear that these three stooges don't know their own damn size, because I'm almost positive that they gave themselves away the second they had to duck through the doorway they kicked open.
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