What do you do when life won't stopping throwing your professional career curveballs? That's right, grab a bat and start swinging! Honestly, it's pretty shocking it took him this long to make the decision. How could he have such a close personal relationship with a higher power and still need so much time to find his calling? Oh well, better late than never. Give him an opportunity to display his athletic prowess without being put in a position where he needs throw with any accuracy whatsoever and he's sure to succeed. It might seem like that would make baseball a terrible choice, but designated hitters exist for a reason my friend. Plus, if Chuck Knoblauch's bum ass can maintain a 12 year career in the Majors as a shortstop that can't get the ball to first then surely Tebow can use his spiritual connections to overcome his arm's shortcomings once he has some lumber in his hands.
After all, Jesus Christ was a carpenter. I'll literally be damned if I don't believe his beloved descendant Tim Tebow didn't inherit a natural talent to earn a living making the wood work for him. God said "play ball" and finally, after a decade trying to play quarterback with a noodle arm, his most blessed of son understood what he was talking about. I don't know if you've heard anyone refer to the 'Church of Baseball', but you will be a witness when the chosen one inevitably becomes the pastor. Buckle your seat belts, because - in certified lumberjack Gary Sheffield's opinion - Tim Tebow's got all the divine intangibles to turn unforeseen career changeup into an out-of-this-physical-universe home run. Amen.
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