True Life: One NFL Scout Doesn't Like Eli Apple As A Prospect Because He Can't Cook

BSO- Third-year sophomore from Voorhees, N.J. “He got beat probably more than you want but he’s got tremendous upside,” said one scout. “He is too young (20) to be coming out but he is so you’ve got to project what he’s going to be. I think he’s going to be a pretty high-level starter.” Started 27 games, finishing with 86 tackles (7 ½ for loss), 4 picks and 18 PBUs. “Some there (OSU) were worried he wouldn’t break 4.6 and then popped the (4.39),” said another scout. “They were surprised he ran that well. I worry about him because of off-the-field issues. The kid has no life skills. At all. Can’t cook. Just a baby. He’s not first round for me. He scares me to death.” Wonderlic was 21. “He probably has as much talent as anybody but he, like a lot of those Ohio State guys, is inconsistent,” said a third scout. “He squats, and receivers run by him. He’s more in catch-up mode than reaction mode. He bothers me a little bit.”



Uhh, I thought we cleared this up last time Eli Apple was forced to sit down and answer ridiculous questions from scouts? How many different ways are you going to ask the kid if he's gay? Is this some sort of witch hunt? He doesn't like men in that way and he can't cook. I thought we weren't supposed to care about our athlete's sexual orientation as much in 2016. Can't we just let Eli Apple live, whether or not it be in or out of a closet? 

​In all seriousness though, I think I owe Richard Sherman an apology. I tried to stand up for NFL Draft analysts and they immediately let me down. I was just trying to get a closer look at the pros and cons of each prospect and I get blindsided by a wayward critique of a cornerback's cooking ability? A dissertation on his lack of LIFE SKILLS? What is going on?!? Have these lunatics officially gone off the reservation trying to dissect 40 times down the millisecond? 

You know how many 20 year olds have life skills? None. Zero. The only life skill I had at 20 was the innate ability to avoid succumbing to alcohol poisoning. Why would you need life skills when those 4 years are devoted to something that doesn't even remotely resemble real life? Cooking? COOKING?!? Does putting leftover fried rice in the microwave count? If not then I can probably remember every single meal I cooked in college down to the side dish. If not being able to bang to a tiramisu at a moment's notice is an "off-the-field issue" then literally every single eligible player has off-the-field issues. Shit, that would mean I still have off-the-field issues. Did this scout even go to school? Why would Eli Apple teach himself how to season and sear when Universities force you to get a meal plan anyway? God forbid he didn't have time to sneak a self taught course on how to baste a turkey in between his academics and athletics. If only he had known that his inability to iron his clothes and budget his expenses were going to have such a negative impact on his draft stock.

Say what you want about the NFL's vetting process, but I'll be damned if it's not thorough. I know people say that the combine results are overrated, but I didn't know they had gotten this useless. Not to the point where Eli Apple becoming your personal nanny for the weekend says more about him as a football player than his vertical leap.