Huffington Post- Two accused pizza thieves may have cheesed up their plans to make lots of dough by attempting to sell some of the stolen pies to on-duty police officers.
Eighty frozen pizzas were stolen Sunday from a warehouse in Gambell, Alaska. The purloined pies had an estimated street value of more than $1,100, or about $13.75 per pizza, Alaska State Troopers told Alaska Dispatch News.
Investigators didn't have to work too hard finding the culprits.
Two suspects, John Koozaata, 29, and Lewis Oozeva, 21, allegedly called the Gambell Police Department offering to sell some pizzas to the cops on duty, according to KTUU TV.
Koozaata and Oozeva allegedly admitted eating five of the stolen pizzas. The other 75 have been recovered, KTVA.com reports.
I don't know too much when it comes to economics. In fact, I am borderline retarded when it comes to mutual funds, compound interest and windfall gains. Let's just say micro and macro were a lonnnng time ago. However, there are a couple of things I do know. For starters, a penny saved is a penny earned. Also, I know the intrinsic value of a long term investment over a short term investment. You know what is far more valuable than a penny? A goddamn pizza. These kids didn't even have to save and they earned 80 pizzas, so to speak. While 80 pizzas may seem like overkill in the present, the fact that you have already polished off 5 essentially makes the other 75 cheese and sauce laden gold. You know that $1,100 you tried to make that you probably would have pissed away on booze and weed? That's the same $1,100 you now have to inevitably pay for 75 more pizzas over the course of your lifetime. That, my friends, is called shortsighted. $1,100 is a small price to pay for never having to wait for delivery again.
Let's say these kids didn't attempt to sell these pizzas to on-duty police officers. They still would have never been successful in unloading them. You know why? Devine intervention. Stealing pizzas? That's criminal. Selling stolen pizzas? That's blasphemy. You know why there isn't a huge market for 3rd party pizzas? Because they are never supposed to get past the second party without being devoured in gluttonous fashion. No one buys a random pie from a stranger because strangers shouldn't be selling random pies unless there is something wrong with them. You ever see an item on Ebay that seemed way too cheap to be legitimate? Don't you generally avoid bidding on it because the picture is probably fake or misleading? Same thing with pizza. These guys went from the wealthiest dudes in Alaska, relatively speaking, to eating porridge in a correctional facility. I don't know what the resale value is for stolen pizza, but it's safe to assume these guys can consider themselves losers in the long run.