UBER Rides With Bob, Volume 2

There aren't many people whose life decisions I can look at and say "well, I am glad I'm not that guy". The Brooklyn native that has been through 4 wives since moving to California 14 years ago is undoubtedly one of the those guys. It is good, however, to see that he has changed his ways. Waking up in a hotel room and finding out the stripper (they aren't prostitutes unless you acknowledge them as such), whose Uber you paid for, took a $103 tour of Southern California is better than waking up with a 5th wife. At the very least it's more financially responsible. When I purchased my morning coffee 10 minutes earlier and officially went online for the day I had no idea that I needed to hear a third party account of a man blowing his load into his own belly button during a lap dance. How very wrong I proven. Hopefully that was a good omen considering the half drunk guy wearing a suit in my backseat was headed to court.

As douchey and pretentious as this guy seemed, I couldn't help but at least feel a little bad for him. There were a lot of things working against him, and he didn't even know it yet. You know when you wake up after a night of hard drinking and you have something important to do? The liquor still makes it seem like life is perfect, but in actuality you should probably be more concerned than you are? When that man got in my car he had not a care in the world. Thought the 90 minutes he had given himself to get to court in Los Angeles morning traffic would be plenty. As the ride went on, and the stories started to diminish, I could almost see this man sobering up. It was like watching an hour glass slowly trickle down, but instead of sand it was one man's BAC. All while he spent a good 30 minutes trying to increase his PayPal limit. Apparently they frowned upon his $560 charge as 2AM. A charge which I can only assume was a business expense. Probably for the best, no amount of water can sober you up faster than talking to a useless customer service rep. I don't know how the legal proceedings went, but I think it's safe to assume that this guy either never wants to drink again or needs a drink IMMEDIATELY. 

P.S. Chantelle, Rodrigo, Precious, and Hunter. Are we sure I am picking up and dropping off random citizens, or is Southern California just one huge reality show/porno and I am just transporting the 'actors' around the set? Jesus Christ, I get one 'John' and he is the guy kicking hookers out of the Westin hours before he has to stand in front of a judge. Go figure.

P.P.S. Hey Abdul, I know it's not one of your usual customs, but would it kill you to mix in a Mexican shower every once in a while. I know my car is technically a 'business', but since my business isn't Indian cuisine I would prefer if my backseat didn't smell like a Halal street vendor's asshole after working the late shift. If you don't want me to be insensitive to your culture than don't be insensitive to my delicate olfactory senses.