Unfortunately For Joey Votto, His Biggest Fan Is Also The Most Obnoxious Woman On The Face Of The Earth

I am sorry Joey. It's not your fault. You're probably a great guy. Given this woman's affection for you I would venture to guess you're either a hell of a ball player or (more likely) a rather attractive one. Unfortunately, without seeing so much as one at-bat of your career I am going to have to hope it comes to a screeching halt as soon as possible. If not for me then for the fine fans of Cincinnati and the prolonged health of their eardrums. They don't deserve that. Hell, no one does.

This may be the only time I have ever said this in a non-sexual manner, but take a look at that chick's mouth. Looks like she could stuff a full hot dog in the left cheek and still manage a half decent "VOTTTTTOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!" out of the right side of her mouth. You know how people that actually know how to do laundry have matching socks and roll them together during the folding process? At the risk of sounding like I am promoting domestic violence, this broad's mouth looks like it's begging to be filled by the world's largest pair of knee highs. If I could make my way into Yao Ming's laundry basket I would break the 4th wall and hand the contents right to the guy sitting at the end of the row.

I don't know if the guy in the white hat is fucking this girl or trying to fuck this girl, but I do know his relationship to her can be described with one word - enabler. The worst kind of an enabler too. The kind of enabler that doesn't have enough respect for those around him to suffer through his girl's insufferable flaws alone. You see the way the guy in the black hat slugged that beer and cringed at the end? Wouldn't be surprised if we just witnessed the end of a friendship. Bros before hoes dude, bros before hoes. Especially when your "hoe" has been given a restraining order to stay 1,000 feet away from every department store that sells mirrors, and is pining to ditch you for the Reds first baseman.