YardBarker- Details surfaced in the wake of the Vikings’ disappointing 21-10 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles last Sunday that Zimmer had warned his players about becoming overconfident upon the return from their bye week. He had done so by allegedly littering the locker room with slaughtered stuffed animals, mostly cats. The throats of said stuffed animals were slit and red paint had been splattered upon some of them. Hanging on a large stuffed animal cat was a sign read, “Fat Cats Get Slaughtered.”
After firing off a series of sensational headlines from reports he printed off alleging his purported exploits, Zimmer disputed his role, saying any stuffed animals he had at team headquarters were destined for charity.
“I want to set the record straight on an erroneous report that I feel like attacked my character and my reputation,” Zimmer said, via ESPN. “Actually, the stuffed animals I did have here were given to charity, to Toys for Tots. It just kind of goes to show you that when one thing gets out there — and it was updated correctly, that I had nothing to do with it — but unfortunately, the headlines still keep coming out, and it bothers me.”
A man is only good as his word so I'm really trying not to call into question Mike Zimmer's here, but - if I'm being honest - I'm having a hard time doing so. It's not that he strikes me as the type of person to turn his locker room into the scene out of Quentin Tarantino's hypothetical version of 'Toy Story'. It's because I am bothered by the thought of the person with a sickly enough imagination to make something like that up walking amongst us. It's certainly fucked up for Mike Zimmer to executing stuffed animals ISIS-style, but at least he's a football coach. They are supposed to be pseudo-psychotic nut jobs that are awake 22 hours out of the day drawing up plays and conjuring up motivational tactics. I could let it slide if he just went a littttttle too far after overworking himself into a hallucinogenic psychosis. What I can't let slide is someone whose profession it is to report the news fabricating such an oddly gruesome visual out of thin air. That's the type of lunatic who needs a straight jacket, a padded room, and eternal solitary confinement. I don't know who first leaked this story, but it's either they lose their ability to interact in society or Mike Zimmer cuts the bullshit and comes clean. I'm trending towards thinking it's more than likely the latter, because the best way to get people to stop asking questions about your homicidal tendencies towards inanimate representations of kittens is to start jabbering on about charitable donations.