Some people might say that "achieving" sobriety merely takes a long afternoon on the couch with a couple armfuls of 32 ounce Gatorades and an egregiously large delivery order that's going to haunt your bowels well into the work week. Some people might say the completion of such a "formidable" task shouldn't require the supervision of professionals who are paid to restrain you from poisoning your body and is definitely not worthy of a "he's a changed man!" series of tweets. Some people just don't know how to fucking party. In all seriousness, I just had a friend tell me yesterday - without a hint of sarcasm - that he "gave up alcohol in 2017 for as long as possible" so maybe "resolutions" that would more accurately be described as suggestive, ambiguous humble brags are this year's newest fad. If that's the case then Johnny Manziel's afternoon off the sauce is not only newsworthy, but reason to believe that he'll basically be an NFL MVP candidate as soon as next season. I know that sounds ridiculous, but if 12-14 hours with a BAC that allowed him to legally operate a golf cart without suspicion is any indication then the not-so-borderline alcoholic can do anything he puts his mind to! Of course the "achievement" of sobriety could get stripped away faster than Reggie Bush's Heisman if Johnny Football happens to walk past an open liquor store or catches an inviting dive bar out of the corner of his eye, but you know what they say about empty promises...they leave plenty of room to be fulfilled!
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