We Just Not Going To Talk About How The United States Basically Stole Soccer From The World?

Hey FIFA, you thought that whole corruption ploy was just an act of jealousy, huh? That it was just yet another strong arm attempt by the United States? Another way for us to flex our muscles as a national power? A reason to ruin your party because we weren't the guests of honor? Well, you're probably exactly right, but don't say it didn't do some lasting damage. 

The women have always been one of the top teams in the world and now the men topple traditional European powers in the Netherlands and Germany? The timing is too perfect to be a coincidence. Time to take the one thing we have never been the best at. Sorry FIFA, but it was just a matter of time. Soccer is ours baby. We are winning games before we even step on the pitch. If soccer is 60% mental than the rest of the world already 60% lost. All these countries are trying to cover up their paper trails while we are in their heads tap dancing on their brain. Up in that ass spray painting the walls red, white, and blue and shit. Under their skin like puppet masters. Using our iron fist to sodomize their pride. Making German people show actual human emotions for the first time since Hitler was in office. If that's not a sign of a broken spirit than I don't know what is. 

The world has tried so hard to keep us out and we broke down the door the best way we know how. By uncovering a bunch of white, greedy motherfuckers with their hands in the cookie jar. What did you think we weren't going to find out? If there is a country that can spot some good old fashioned white collar crime it's the US of A. We invented the scandal. Pyramid schemes, embezzlement, money laundering, racketeering. Those are straight out of our playbook. Hell, Ponzi schemes got their name from an American. That's our offense. You can't just run our sets and think it's okay because you're on the other side of the world. You didn't think we were going to come for retribution? That's the only thing we do better than crime! Don't worry, you can keep the money, but we're taking your sport.