Scenario 1: Two crazy kids washing off their surfboards on the beach.
Guy: Hey, you want to grab a drink tonight.
Girl: Oh sorry, I'm not looking...and I'm gay...if that makes you feel any better.
There is so much wrong with this response that I don't even know where to start. Maybe start with the fact that there is less than a 0% chance this chick was gay. You want to know how I know that? Because if this chick was gay her first reaction would have been to say as much. Sexual orientation is kind of necessary part of a date. She essentially said "no, I don't want to go out with you because of who you are as a person", and then tried to blame it on the fact that he has a penis. No bitch. The fact that you made up your proclivity for vagina AFTER you already turned him down is probably not going to make him feel any better.
Jesus lady, slap a man in the face or kick him in the dick, don't do both at the same time. I think 'no' would have sufficed. You didn't need to rundown an entire list of reasons why not. The fucking therapist is going to need two notebooks to write down all the things going through his head. He probably spent all day trying to build up the courage to ask you out and you basically took every reason why he was fearful of doing so and combined it into one horribly emasculating rejection. Kind of ironic you used the gay excuse because this kid is going to be so fearful of women for the next decade that he'll end up testing the waters on the other side of fence. There will be a period of time when this kid feels more comfortable with a dick in his ass than taking the chance of getting mentally assfucked by a woman again.
Scenario 2: Waiter chatting up a patron in a fairly empty coffee shop.
Guy: Hey, can I get you number?
Girl: Oh, I don't have texting, but here, I'll write down my Facebook name.
I take it back. I take it all back. If the alternative is a woman telling me that SHE DOESN'T HAVE TEXTING ON HER PHONE IN 2015, than I would much rather have some chick lie to me about being gay. How much do you think this guy spit in this woman's next coffee? "Oh, you don't have texting? I can friend you Facebook? Don't worry about that thing floating in your coffee. It's just to enhance the flavor." Both of those are things are equally believable. Telling someone you don't have texting is like telling them that you don't have color television. Why stop at texting? Should have told him you didn't have internet either and you could have avoided any and all forms of future communication. How lazy is this girl? She hasn't changed her rejection response since the turn of the century. I almost would have preferred she went all in and pretended like she had never heard of texting before. That would literally be the only reason someone would be without texting in America in this day and age.
Is there anything that screams 'friend zone' louder than being added to a friend's list instead of being added to someone's contacts? Congrats man, this girl just said she will talk to you on the social media that is generally reserved for saying 'happy birthday' to people you haven't seen, nor care to have seen, in over 10 years. You'd be lucky to get a poke back, never mind coming within 1,000 yards of getting in her drawers.
P.S. This is coming from someone that said the words "check me out on social media" in a totally half serious way no more than 48 hours ago, so take it for what it's worth.