Whole Foods Says Their "Asparagus Water" Was A Mistake

ABC- Whole Foods has pulled a new product off shelves after customers started complaining on social media.

The drink was labeled as "asparagus water" and sold for $6. It was basically water with a few stalks of asparagus.

Marielle Wakim, associate editor of Los Angeles Magazine, posted a photo of the pricey concoction on her Instagram page and wrote, "Somewhere in L.A., Whole Foods executives are laughing at all of us."

Whole Foods says the drink, sold at a Brentwood store, was actually a mistake and meant to be infused with asparagus and not contain actual stalks.


You wanted healthy? Well guess what, healthy is exactly what you got. Sure, a $6 price tag for a bottle of Aquafina with a few stalks of asparagus thrown in seems a bit exorbitant. However, if you are an asshole that shops at Whole Foods you have to expect that any given product will be over $5. You want cheap asparagus water then fill up a glass of tap water and hit the produce section at the local Shoprite. As far as I am concerned you are paying top dollar for the most true to it's name item in the entire store. Hell, if I were working for Whole Foods and someone asked for 100 bottles of asparagus water they are getting the exact same result. You expect someone to coax something drink worthy out of a long piece of shrubbery? It's one thing to buy coconut water. Coconuts have water in them. Not only does that make sense, but they have a long standing history of health benefits. You give me asparagus infused beverage that actually tastes at all tolerable and I'm calling fraudulence. No way that shit is healthy. Have you ever seen liquid in asparagus? I know I fucking haven't. Hell, if I have I certainly didn't feel inclined to put it in my drinking glass. 

Any asparagus water that isn't just the vegetable soaking in H2O is probably filled with a whole bunch of additives and artificial sweeteners. You want to be healthy, or do you want the illusion of being healthy? If all you care about is looking like you take care of yourself when you walk past a bunch of customers with some disgusting green shit in your hand then head to a Whole Foods with less integrity. Over in Brentwood, they are actually worried about their customers. You may look like a moron crying one of these bottles, but you're a moron with a lower sugar intake. The executives in Los Angeles might be laughing at you, but your scale surely won't be. Shit, the only mistake I see here is that they failed to mark up the healthiest product in the store.