Huffington Post- Diane Thomas, 52, was arrested on May 16, accused of punching her live-in boyfriend in the face “multiple times” and scratching him with her fingernails, The Smoking Gun reports.
Thomas, of Monroe, Lousiana, admitted to the assault but blamed the victim, saying, “He (was) a bitch and got in her face, so she beat his ass,” a police report obtained by the website alleges.
When Thomas realized she was being collared, she tried to get officers to reconsider, explaining that "she had a good job," Uproxx.com reports.
Her pleas didn't work, so she allegedly offered to "lick [the officer's] butt hole," as Complex.com indelicately quoted from the arrest report.
Officers didn't take up Thomas' butt bribe. Instead, they charged her with public bribery as well as a misdemeanor domestic abuse charge, according to The Smoking Gun.
Talk about sexual freedom. With the way things are trending we are basically going to be Europe soon. Transgenders popping up faster than summer daisies. Homosexuality is more prevalent than the missionary position. And now, everyone is seemingly all-in on eating some ass. Hell, if you keep Indiana out of the conversation we have nearly reached the peak of sexual liberalism in this country.
You know when butt stuff has gone mainstream? When someone thinks that offering it up in exchange for their freedom will have a high success rate. When someone thinks the best card in their deck is a little tongue-to-ass contact. This woman was so confident her salad tossing skills would get her off that she flat out told the officer that she beat this guy's ass. Why lie when you you've got the ultimate 'Get Out of Jail Free' card in your back pocket? Why offer up a blowjob when you're an analingis artist with the tongue skills of Gene Simmons? This woman's tongue and her progressive sexual nature is basically her Ace of Spades, and no one is going to tell her differently. Too bad she ran into a cop that isn't a fan of card games. Be more of a prude Officer Grumpke. Not saying you had to accept the offer, but there no need to slap her with another charge just because she tried to free you from the shackles of your monotonous sex life.
P.S. Lucky for this woman that someone who can whoop a man's ass and doesn't mind finding out how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop is basically the prison equivalent of Beyonce.
P.P.S. Learn something new everyday...