Woman Wins The St. Louis Marathon Without Even Running In It

Next Impulse- It’s tough to “win” a marathon if you don’t even participate in the race, but Kendall Schler managed to “win” the St. Louis Marathon without actually running the 26.2 miles, that is until race officials realized she’s a fraud. According to KSDK, Schler competed in the 2014 race and finished third, but many were skeptical as to whether or not she ran the entire course, meaning those officials already had Schler on their radar.

In 2015, she crossed the finish line without an escort and well ahead of the pack and was initially deemed the winner. Amid some confusion, she showed her bib, casually snapped photos and was declared the winner. A few minutes later, Andrea Karl, who was assumed to be in the lead, crossed the line with escort bicycles and people immediately knew something was wrong. Here is the full report:

I thought there was nothing worse than the prototypical marathon runner. The person that runs for fun. The person that has a '26.2' sticker on the back of their car. The person that likes to debate how much running has had a positive influence on their life. Have any friends that run marathons? Good luck making plans with them. They need to run 10 miles before they even feel alive enough to make a fucking dinner reservation. It's excruciating. Training for a marathon is the most time consuming, inexplicable shit in the world. 99% of people that run in them have no big dreams of winning. Merely finishing is the goal. Sure, it's mentally and physically tough, but at the end of the day you are just given a participation medal. I used to get those too...in first grade tee ball. Basically people run marathons to fill a conscious or subconscious need to accomplish something that seems impossible. For the people in question I would think one night of casual sex would fill that very same need, but maybe it's far less attainable. While I suppose finishing a marathon is extremely commendable, don't you dare try to sit down and tell me about it. Like, I said, up until 10 minutes ago, I THOUGHT they were the worst type of people on earth.

Enter stage right: The woman who perennially cheats to win marathons. You know, I would think attempting to cheat to win a marathon year one AND FAILING would be enough to quit. I guess not. I guess I have to give her some credit for her perseverance. In the immortal words of Aliyah, "if at first you don't succeeed, dust yourself off and try again". Don't you dare tell this woman she's not a success story. As some person that probably lives alone with 35 cats once said, "failure is the condiment that gives success it's flavor". Looks like my girl Kendall is eating, and the eating is gooooood. Enjoy marathon training. Enjoy 4 plus hours of running. Kendall just got all of the acclaim with none of the physical assertion. Sure she got outted as a cheater. Know who else is widely known as a cheater? Alex Rodriguez, and that dude is RICH. Any publicity is good publicity. There hasn't been a period in our history where that was more true. Every news story is negative. How many people ran in that race? A million? Guess how many marathon runners I know? My habitually late friend and this vile, conniving broad. Enjoy your stupid 'Honorable Mention' medal losers. Kendall has all the notoriety and 26.1 less miles on the tires. You can profit off the ability to fool hundreds of thousands of people. That's why lawyers exist. Being a complete snake is far more financially efficient than finishing 4,678th in a race. Enjoy your sense of self while Kendall is laughing her way to the bank....

....or back to her apartment where she inevitably kills herself because in reality she has nothing else to live for. Whatever, still better than running forever.