Zach Parise is Not a Big Fan of Dump 'n' Chase Hockey and He Sounds Like an Asshole

10/1/2014

http://www.thescore.com/nhl/news/587921

The Score- "I get it, but you dump the puck, you have to get it back. All you’re doing is giving the puck away. I mean, it’s so hard to get it, why would you give it away?"

Wait…Did Zach Parise just give me an opportunity bash him and still sound like a logical human being? Almost too good to be true. Seriously, pinch me…this one is too easy.

First of all, regardless if the dump and chase philosophy is a productive one or not (it is) , let's look at this comment for what it is. This is Zach Parise spitting in God's face. Wah, I don't want to give the puck up because then I have to go get it. Cry me a fucking river Zach. You know the reason you were wildly overpaid with a 98 MILLION dollar deal? It is because you excelled at the dump and chase style of hockey. It's not hard to see. This is the equivalent of Mark Zuckerberg blaming social media for the downfall of society. The equivalent of Kate Upton saying her tits are an inconvenience. The equivalent of Steve Nash hating the pick and roll. Dump and chase hockey is why you are rich you ungrateful bastard. If I got rich off selling my seed I would be the biggest advocate of test tube babies above the Mason-Dixon Line.

Parise is one of the best NHL players at battling for the puck alone the boards, one of the quickest and feistiest forwards in the league, and a scrappy player that can net pucks in the tough areas of the ice. All of those qualities SCREAM dump and chase, possession hockey. I watched every game that Zach Parise played for New Jersey. I would say maybe 15% of his goals came from carrying the puck in the zone.

The rationale of Zach saying that dump and chase is a thing of the past is like an NFL quarterback saying 'why don't we just pass it every single play because we get more yards that way'. Yeah sure, Carrying the puck into the zone is much more convenient than going to battle for it in the corners. It is also easy for the defense to adjust to and leads to far more turnovers.

I always thought Zach was a pretty smart player. Played the game the right way 100% of the time, probably destined to be a coach someday. Did I miss something? Did he take up smoking pot in Minnesota? Is it legal there or something? This is one of the dumbest smart person statements of all time.

I feel like I am at an NHL game and the people behind me are screaming 'shoot', 'pass', and 'score' every two seconds. Except the obnoxious, clueless moron sitting in the row behind me is Zach fucking Parise who makes 98 million to play the sport. I almost wish this were the case because this is beer shower worthy.

Yeah dude, it's that easy. Just walk it into the zone every time. They'll never figure that out. How did thousands and thousands of coaches before you were even born not think of that. Idddddiots. They should fire the head coach in Minnesota and make you captain AND player coach as soon as possible. Just carry it in the zone, indefensible. Automatic Championship.

Fuckin' cake eater…

P.S. Please come back.