Bengals' Punter Kevin Huber Didn't Pick Up A First Down, But He Sure Did Freak 'Em With The Okie Doke
Word to Stuart Scott (R.I.P.), because apparently the Bengals punter is as cool as the other side of the pillow. You'd probably need some veteran savvy and a hell of a lot of job security to casually pull off a move this slick en route to nothing more than a turnover on downs. However - even if Kevin Huber didn't have any of that - the confidence necessarily for a special teams' sitting duck to go behind-the-back in the face of the NFL equivalent of kamikaze pilots would surely keep him off the 'NFL Street' for too long. Never mind a flawlessly executed coffin corner, because the kicker with the 'Peanuts' to treat fringe roster players like Charlie Brown while pretending the NFL preseason is NBA Pro-Am can lace 'em up and boot balls for me any day.
I know we are generally a results oriented society that expects proverbial broken ankles to result in metaphorical made buckets, but I think we can make an exception for the guy that's playing against men twice his size that would undoubtedly try to break him in half if it meant increasing their odds of making the roster by even one single percentile. Like, a first down would have been nice, but I think the piss poor field position can be forgiven after he pulled a show-and-go on someone that had every incentive to detach his Pro Bowl-caliber moneymaker. I haven't the slightest clue where Kevin Huber ranks league-wide, but - as far as I am concerned - a guy with the presence of mind to turn a seemingly inevitable blocked punt into the highlight of his career is the type of guy you want trying to dead 'em inside the 5 when a meaningful game is on the line.
I'll be honest. I liked this trade - to varying degrees for each team - when it first went down. In fact, I still hope that Isaiah Thomas and the younger, taller, and more talented version of himself inevitably switch teams and ultimately enhance the entertainment value of the upcoming NBA season. With the Warriors having already put a bow on a second consecutive championship - barring an injury bug wiping out half of a lineup that could conceivably (albeit unrealistically) start for the Western Conference in the All Star game - the Association needs as many interesting storylines as possible. Simply put, they don't get any juicer than the only relevant franchises in a pathetic conference swapping all pro point guards while the trajectory of their futures appear to be heading in polar opposite directions. Unless...
...The league that has previously used the following as a clever slogan proves that impossible truly is nothing. Normally I would say there is no chance that this could come to fruition, but - considering literally anything else that occurred throughout the Cavaliers' offseason - the NBA has proved me wrong before.
So...just imagine...a world in which a hampered hip forces LeBron James to play alongside a guy that he's spent all summer online battling by way of tactics that originated amongst 14 year old girls, in front of a crowd that has already accepted that player's departure, and against the team that figures to be waiting on that player's eventual arrival.
When you really think about it, that's too good of a storyline to pass up in a soap opera that men rationalize the viewing of because it falls under the umbrella of sports. That's why I need Adam Silver to summon his inner-Donald Sterling. Preferably the morally corrupt part of him that froze the envelope so that the Knicks could get Patrick Ewing, or cut the cord on the transaction that would have made Chris Paul a Laker. That evil genius needs to make a reappearance and give us all one unforgettably awkward game. The madness of NBA offseasons has increasingly come organically, but - if only for one night - I need the fix to creep it's ugly head in and keep Kyrie in Cleveland for the spectacle of it all.
It's 10,000x more likely that Boston tosses in a second round pick and this trade becomes official within the week, but if/when it does we will have all missed out on an amount of drama that might actually be capable of overwhelming 'The (drama) King'.
Look, I don't want to put Russell Wilson's "swag" in a box, but if I were to do so prior to seeing this picture then that box would look like a suitcase that belonged to a middle-aged white father who was taking his family on vacation to Disney Land. That's why I'm stuck trying to figure out which of these scenarios is more likely, because one of them has to be the driving force of a picture that look like it was taken straight from the cover of 'King Magazine' in 2002....
Either Russell Wilson dug deep, found the self awareness that he's been spent his entire career camouflaging with one nauseatingly useless cliche at a time, and is using it to troll the ridiculous storyline that he's not black enough for the Seahawks locker room, or....
Someone spiked his concussion water, and he's stuck in the some inverse, black-washed plot line of 'Get Out' in which his inherent lameness and lack of style was surgically replaced by a 'FUBU' catalog.
Whatever the case may be, this picture made me question whether or not black culture can somehow be appropriated by a black person...when the culture that is potentially being appropriated passed away with the professional career of Allen Iverson. Like, in the weirdest of ways I think this is either causal, black-on-black racism, or a hell of a joke being played by the person who probably made sure to re-read the entirety of the Bible to make sure it doesn't condemn du-rags.
I think I'm leaning toward it being the latter, because he'd have to have a sense of humor to sport perhaps the only black-on-black, commemorative Super Bowl jersey ever worn by a person with self respect...right? RIGHT!?!
If The Saints Hope To Continue Their Trend Of Terrible Defense Then They Still Have A Lot Of Work To Do
A league leading amount of pressure from a unit whose expectations were so low that it had people complaining about a draft that appears to have netted four starters and what appears to be the love-child of Pierre Thomas and Reggie Bush?
A rangy, sure-tackling group of linebackers that are actually limiting YAC's instead of making their coaches want to run to the bathroom and manually induce them?
Aggressive defensive backs who are looking for the ball before it's getting spiked in their end zone of bouncing off their back shoulder as a yellow flag soars by in the distance?
In the most literal sense imaginable, I simply do not believe what I am seeing. I won't - no - I can't let myself get sucked in by the inherent optimism that comes with going eight quarters without giving up a single point. That's mostly because those goose eggs have come against a Philip Rivers-less Chargers team and a DeAndre Hopkins-less Texans team, but it's also because those eight quarters aren't even worth enough to provide an intoxicating return on $2 beer night.
Assuming that the third preseason game is the closest thing that an NFL team has to a dress rehearsal, the Saints look like they might actual be competent on the side of the ball that has actively been tarnishing the legacy of a future 'Hall Of Fame' quarterback. Unfortunately, almost every wedding ceremony that has gone awry can also claim that their rehearsal dinner was flawless. It's not that I don't want to take consecutive defensive shutouts for all that they are worth (which is basically just ungodly expectations that are realistically hinging on the oft-hampered hammy of a rookie cornerback), but I have to stay grounded so as to limit the damage when they inevitably take a tumble from Cloud 9.
Truthfully, it's looking like the long-belated cleansing of a defensive coaching staff that proved completely defenseless years ago is immediately returning dividends, but I refuse to invest myself in them until it results in meaningful benefits. Leaders like Cam Jordan and Kenny Vaccaro appear to have eased the transition of a plethora of new players, but I will remain skeptical until those sacks lead to victories of the non-moral variety. In the case of trusting a Saints' defense, it's better safe than sorry...if only due to the nauseating amount of times they have left Saints' fans feeling sorry for themselves.
Although, I did have to slap myself for a reminder of that at least twice while watching this clip...
First and foremost, I'm painfully aware that my level of excitement regarding the addition of a player that has as much NHL ice time on his resume as I do is irrational. I'm objective enough to realize that that can be directly attributed to the depressing dearth of talent that the Devils currently have at said player's position. My giddiness may scream otherwise, but I know that Ray Shero didn't just convince a future Norris Trophy candidate to willingly come to New Jersey.
However, relative to the state of the blue line that he's joining, adding the Hobey Baker winning captain of a National Champion is more significant than just adding a 22 year old that was made available by his inability to crack a lineup that was somehow worse than the one he's now a part of. The bar may have gotten set lower than a 'Fisher Price' basketball hoop with each passing day that the Devils didn't address their backend, but I'll be damned if they didn't posterize other suitors by windmill dunking all over that bar in the waning seconds of their offseason. They satisfied the blind hopes and deafening prayers of literally everyone that has a vested interest in their improvement, even if those dreams became easier to fulfill than Jon Merrill's vacated spot in the lineup.
Will Butcher admittedly doesn't have all that much competition, but he just instantly became the Devils' best defensive prospect. Considering the astronomical market value that NHL teams placed on anyone that's ever successfully executed one single poke check, paying peanuts for a guy that could potentially top out as a second pairing, offensive defenseman was about as good of a return as you could possibly hope to get on a minimal investment. The Devils just bought themselves a lucky lottery ticket, and though the payout isn't the NHL equivalent of the Powerball, this team could benefit if it ends up being worth significantly more than it's $950K salary for the next two seasons.
Perhaps even more encouraging than the fact that New Jersey picked up a defensive prospect whose promising future isn't at least three years away from coming to fruition is the fact that they were able to convince someone to voluntarily pick New Jersey. Will Butcher may have just chosen to join the Devils' to increase his odds of looking better by comparison, but hopefully impending free agents don't see it at that way when looking at the state of a rebuilding franchise. It possibly could have been out of pity, but Ray Shero just left the ghosts of lost sweepstakes past (Jimmy Vesey and Alex Kerfoot) in the rearview on the road to turning the Devils' into a preferred destination. That doesn't mean they any closer to being a playoff team today than they were yesterday, but they are slightly closer to icing competence in their own end. Honestly, that's really all that rational fans were asking out of this offseason. It just so happened to come at the proverbial buzzer in a fashion that this organization definitely can't say it is used to.
Hey Jim Montgomery, do me a favor and quiet down so that I don't need another cold shower? Much appreciated...
Devils' fans, it's time to consider not changing our underwear...
A Young Kid Asked Brad Stevens Why He Traded Isaiah Thomas, And Probably Wasn't Satisfied With The Answer
The truth is that Brad Stevens would've probably been better off telling that poor, heartbroken Celtics fan that they traded Isaiah Thomas because Isaiah Thomas didn't believe in Santa Claus or some shit. That would been far more justifiable in the head of a child than the circumstantially neutered version of the truth that he actually received.
Shea is probably sitting in the backseat of the mini-van peppering his father with "why?" after "why?" because nothing makes inherently inquisitive kids more curious than the confusion of their elders. Not that I could do any better while looking a little boy in his puppy dog eyes, but Brad Stevens basically found thee most long-winded way possible to say "well, it was hard". You think that politically correct bullshit is going to satisfy a seven(?) year old? If Shea wasn't so intimidated by the crowd he probably would have like "oh.....but why?", and I don't even blame him. The only player on the team that he was able to look up to without giving himself whiplash gets flipped on a whim, and the sole reasoning is that it wasn't easy?!?
Come on Coach Stevens! Surely you could have just blamed Danny Ainge - the guy who actually traded him - so that Shea could have a very distinct target during his tantrums until the season started! The organization was already leaking false reports that 'Mr. 4th Quarter' was disliked by teammates five minutes after he got traded, so why not let the guy that played through the death of his sister take the fall for hurting a 3rd grader's feelings too? I could barely keep up with the petty drama of the NBA offseason so there is a beauty to being a young sports fan that doesn't have to worry about annoying adult shit like money, age, fit, or passive aggressive social media sparring. However, Brad Stevens failed to give that kid the one thing he needs to remain totally naive to the business of basketball - a scapegoat.
This Year The Devils Cheap, Expendable, Veteran Addition To Their Forward Group Will Be Named Drew Stafford
My initial thoughts on this deal are pretty much the same as the initial thoughts I would have on any one year deal worth less than a million dollars that was agreed upon in late August.
To put it simply? Meh, can't hurt.
Drew Stafford certainly had his struggles last year but he proved to be a welcomed deadline addition to the Bruins. In comparison to that of Boston, the proven talent on the right side of the Devils roster...well...let's just say that if it were a dick measuring contest then New Jersey would be the team complaining that it's too cold. I don't want to put a floor on the level of disappointment given the on-ice product recently, but the worst case scenario is that Drew Stafford follows up his extremely underwhelming season with one that is eerily reminiscent. If that's the case he would still easily be worth $800K to a team that would consider any warm body with an NHL resume a relative upgrade at right wing.
Maybe he shocks everyone and regains his 20+ goal form a la Lee Stempniak, or maybe he just casually reminds Devils fans he exists by potting a meaningless goal every 10 games or so a la P.A. Parenteau. Whatever the case may be, his cap hit in literally a drop in the bucket of their cap space, and a guy that - at his worst - was worth a fourth round pick will almost definitely be getting flipped for an asset come late-February.
I suppose the argument could be made that the New Jersey Devils should have saved that spot in the lineup for a young, promising prospect, but I'm pretty sure they still have more vacant spots in the lineup than they have young, promising prospects. This signing makes the Jimmy Hayes PTO more of a 'shot in the dark' than 'a hope and a prayer', and thus guarantees they'll have one more veteran presence amongst a group of forwards that are in desperate need of someone to buy them beer.
J.R. Smith Made More Sense Than You'd Expect When Telling Athletes Who Are Criticizing Colin Kaepernick To Shut Up
Dare I say that tweet storm seemed rather...Shady?
Quite literally, the last thing I want to talk about - for the umpteenth time - is what's keeping Colin Kaepernick out of a job in the NFL. Luckily, this shockingly coherent message from someone who is better known for reaching out to offer "the pipe" wasn't about the actual factors behind the most discussed unemployed athlete in sports history. I can't believe I am actually going to say this about the thoughts of J.R. Smith, but that string of tweets was just a more articulate way of reiterating a lesson that we all learned growing up: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.
Like, take the fact that they are both football players - whose only affiliation is that they (used to) share a profession - out of the equation. What sense does it make for LeSean McCoy to undermine the qualifications of someone who lost his livelihood - at least in part - on behalf of the rights of people who look like LeSean McCoy? Colin Kaepernick could literally be the African American equivalent of Blake Bortles, and criticizing his talent level would still be a self inflicted blow to a cause that should probably be considered worthy by the guy who apparently hates "followers" but has no problem repeating the "company line".
Think about it this way. This would be like a cancer patient walking up to someone who was fundraising for cancer research outside of a grocery store, slapping the tomato can of loose change out of their hand, and screaming "stop distracting the bargain shoppers!". Is their a "better" platform for those that have taken Colin Kaepernick's lead? Well, millions upon millions of people watch the NFL so I would argue that LeSean McCoy really meant to use the phrase "more comfortable", but that's not even the point. The point is that whether or not you like a person of their form of protest, it's stupid to demean them publicly when their efforts only stand to benefit you.
Props to J.R. Smith, of all people, for realizing that, and putting a little unforeseen perspective to this media-driven circus that apparently thought it was a good idea to give noted idiot, LeSean McCoy, a clown nose and a stage to speak on.
Justin Verlander Called Out Victor Martinez After He Completely Avoided Confrontation During The Tigers/Yankees Fight
I can't say I expected to see this. I wasn't exactly keeping tabs on Justin Verlander when the Tigers and Yankees rushed the field faster than a bunch of drunk college kids on upset alert, and that's mostly because I assumed that he would be the one standing safely in the back asking "but guys, why can't we all just get along?!". Other than knowing he takes mirror selfies in dad jeans, I don't know why I thought he would be the dorky one trying to play nice-nice, but he certainly flipped the script on me with that reaction.
I mean, if there is anyone on the Tigers that should be standing on the outside looking in while apathetically cashing a check for the remainder of a lost season then it's the guy that plays once every 5 days and is making 28 million for the foreseeable future regardless. I obviously can't speak for Victor Martinez, but when Justin Verlander is shaking off your side of the story like it's a call for a meaty fastball on an 3-0 count then you probably need to accept that your effort to keep your uniform clean was more valiant than your effort to stick up for your teammate(s). Seriously, I have given that "I'm not buying what you're selling because bullshit is a terrible investment" glare way too many times not to immediately recognize it as justified. I'm not familiar with the inner workings of the clubhouse, but I'm pretty sure it's the rarest of occasions when a starting pitcher essentially tells a bat in the middle of the order to sit on the handle. Plus, the tape don't lie and the tape in question makes Justin Verlander look like Ron Artest in comparison Victor Martinez...
A Couple HS Cheerleading Coaches Are On Administrative Leave For This Video That Shows Them Forcing Girls Into Splits
GlobalNews- Cheerleading coaches and school administrators in a Colorado district have been placed on leave, and Denver police are investigating amid a series of videos showing high school cheerleaders screaming in pain while being pushed into splits during practice.
KUSA-TV reports the videos show eight cheerleaders at Denver’s East High School repeatedly being pushed into splits while their arms are held up by teammates. In one video, a girl identified as freshman cheerleader Ally Wakefield, sobs in pain and repeatedly asks her coach to stop.
“Please stop! Please stop! Please stop!” she is heard pleading with her coach in the video, which was allegedly shot at the start of cheerleading camp last June. KUSA says the videos were shot on the phones of two team members and were sent anonymously to the station.
Wakefield says she didn’t expect to be “forced” to do elevated splits, forced down by her coach and fellow cheerleaders. “[The coach] was pushing like with his other knee on my back to try and keep my posture straight,” Wakefield told KUSA. “It was tearing my ligaments and my muscle at the same time.”
“This is a grown man pushing my 13-year-old girl so hard against her will while she’s crying and screaming for him to stop that he’s ripping tissues in her body,” Ally Wakefield’s mother, Kristen Wakefield, said. “I don’t understand why this man is still employed there.”
I have a question, and shockingly it's not "how did this grown man not come to the conclusion that he was doing someone wrong as he forcibly placed his hands on 13 year old girl in a physical manner while she screamed for him to stop?". Granted, that's a pretty important one to ask of the (now former) high school coach that took his job to mold the young cheerleaders of tomorrow far too literally. I mean, I feel like this one is just too obvious to consider an oversight. Training is one thing, but instructing a group of kids to follow your lead by pushing and pulling at the limbs of a teenage in an effort to contort her into a more effective cheerleader is quite another.
Nevertheless, what I really want to know is, isn't this what tryouts are for? I can understand expecting your whole squad to be able to do a split, but maybe - just maybe - it makes more sense to cut the girls who can't? Call me crazy, but that seems much easier - and far less illegal - than recreating a scene that absolutely had to take place in an episode of 'Criminal Minds'. I could be way off base here, but I feel like you don't necessarily need to be able to touch your crotch to the hardwood to vocally support the bums on the JV team. Certainly Ally could have better honed her flexibility for her sophomore season by making arm letters next to trolls that wouldn't even split a calzone to get moved up to varsity.
Long story short, if the bodies of young athletes were as malleable as their minds then I'm pretty sure that youth basketball teams would have started grabbing their mildly overweight small forwards from both ends in hopes of stretching some skill into the power forward spot. I don't want to discourage high school coaches from pushing kids past their comfort zone, but I also don't think that high school cheerleading practice should sound like it's taking place in a dungeon basement. Not to cut this coach off at the knees that he has buried in this girl's back, but if the kid you're looking after sounds like a Sandusky victim then you're probably overstepping your bounds as someone in a position of authority.
The Tigers And Yankees Cleared Benches (And Bullpens) After Miguel Cabrera And Austin Romine Started Throwing Hands
I have no idea what the disagreement...that led to the fight...that led to the benches clearing...that led to the goddamn bullpens clearing...was even over, but part of me thinks it's better that way. I could make an educated guess and say that someone probably threw at someone after someone else did something that was deemed inappropriate (but not totally illegal) within the confines of a game that preaches mutual respect but encourages beaning people with projectiles. However - like I said - I don't particularly care. I do wonder what Austin Romine was thinking when he looked a far bigger Miguel Cabrera in the eye as he aggressively ripped off his mask in the most "fuck it, let's go..." fashion of all time, but I don't even want to pick sides on this one.
I just want to appreciate it for what it was, and that was two ball players genuinely trying to hit each other with their fists. Sure, the fact that the fucking hot dog guy was just about the only employee in attendance not to rush the plate was a slightly overdramatic, but at least the few punches actually thrown were intended to connect. Honestly? It's just nice to see professional athletes get legitimately pissed off to the point where they can't help but attempt to rearrange each others' faces. Far too often we get the pushing matches that highlight - at most - a face wash or a wildly inaccurately hand swipe. So, while this one was ridiculously overmanned considering only 3-5 people really fought over something that didn't seem to be all that serious, it just appeared to embrace violence in it's purest, most unadulterated form and that's what I look for out of my day game scrapes in late August.
A 77 Year Old Grandma Was Assaulted By Her Daughter And Granddaughter For Listening To Her Steelers Too Loudly
TheComeback- According to the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, the woman in question was allegedly beaten over two days by her daughter and granddaughter because she was listening to the Pittsburgh Steelers’ preseason game too loudly on TV and the radio Sunday.
Delores M. Amorino, 40, Sarah M. Amorino, 17, have reportedly been charged with aggravated assault, criminal conspiracy, strangulation, terroristic threats, false imprisonment, simple assault, harassment and criminal mischief. They are being held on $200,000 bond. The grandmother’s injuries were not life-threatening.
The details of this story are pretty insane.
Per the Tribune-Review, the hearing-impaired older woman locked herself in her bedroom with a radio after her daughter and granddaughter turned down the volume of the TV. Delores and Sarah Amorino then allegedly broke the door to the older woman’s room, hit her in the face with a broom, twisted her arm, whacked her in the back of the head, stomped on her foot, shaved her head with scissors and a shaver, choked her with their hands, wrapped a scarf around their neck and refused to let her leave the house. The abuse lasted from Sunday through Monday, until she escaped Tuesday morning.
I'm of the belief that you can't truly call yourself a family unless you possess at least a little bit of disfunction, but breaking down Granny's door to give her unauthorized buzzcuts and put her in sleeper holds? My goodness. Even Jerry Springer would have a hard time pretending to help these lunatics resolve their differences while actually just turning them into shamelessly compelling television.
Look, if you want to be naive and think that the grandmother did nothing wrong then be my guest. As someone that has struggled through watching far too many out-of-town games in bars, I feel inclined to agree with anyone that does everything in their power to put some sound to the sights. I just also feel inclined to believe that a 77 year old woman that went and locked herself in her room away from her psychotic family wasn't just pushing buttons that said 'volume' when she turned up the decibels to a level which probably had the whole neighborhood thinking they were standing next to Mike Tomlin. The elderly are a very spiteful people (as anyone who has spent over 70 decades dealing with others should be), so there's no question this die-hard Steelers' fan tried to blow out some eardrums in retaliation.
That's not to say that I don't agree with her reasoning. That clearly hormonal 17 year old teen needed to be put in her place for thinking football is the same without commentary, even if that "place" was in an audiologist's office. That 40 year housewife needed to be reminded that Oprah's audience isn't the only thing that adds to a viewing experience, even if it made her ears ring louder than the 'Life Alert' her mother should have had around her neck before getting involved in a literal and figurative handicapped match. I totally agree with the point that Granny did too good of a job proving, but you have to know you've raised crazies that are capable of jumping the woman that ultimately brought them into this world before going out of your way to piss them off.
Dodgers' Pitcher Rich Hill Has Everyone But Himself To Blame After Losing His Bid For A No Hitter On A Walk-Off Homer In The 10th Inning
There's not too many positives for a 37 year old, journeyman pitcher to take away from this once-in-a-lifetime performance that lost it's historic designation on a flubbed grounder in the 9th inning and another, slightly less historic designation on a walk-off home run that took place after the game should have been well over. There's nothing that could have been said to Rich Hill following the start of his life that would have made him feel better about coming away from it completely empty handed from an accomplishment standpoint. This is a guy that probably had no business chasing perfection and he was just steps away from capturing it in a bottle before he got tripped up by the offensive impotence of his teammates and the error of their defensive ways. He may have said all the right things in the post-game interview, but that's only because he's the consummate professional who wouldn't have been made to feel better in that depressing moment by any amount of well-deserved finger pointing....
That said, there is something to be gained from this. Rich Hill would certainly rather have a perfect game or no-hitter on his resume, but he's still in a pretty enviable position. You generally don't hope something this bad happens to you, but - much like holding an act of cheating over your spouse's head - it can be used to your advantage. I mean, if Logan Forsythe doesn't feel eternally indebted to Rich Hill for giving him the opportunity to be a part of greatness only to watch him punt it in the dirt then he has no soul. At the very least, the rest of last night's Dodgers' lineup should feel obligated to buy every one of his meals from now until the end of what appears to be an incredibly promising postseason. It's no spot in the record books, but Rich Hill should consider having the upper hand on the people he spends every day of his life with to be quite the consolation prize. It's not as desirable as tossing a flawless 9 innings, but I'm sure he'll soon realize there are few things more favorable than having a flawless guilt trip after he...well, ya know...gets over having his dream sequence - that was fit for the big screen - shattered by the stone hands and silent bats of his own damn clubhouse.
You know, I honestly expected more. As far as I am concerned, this is still preseason-level spite from the type of chick that could take a funny pic between famous friends to the next level with one seductive side glare. Seriously, I think we should wait until the season starts before we start calling this an act of trolling. If a woman can cause an irreconcilable rift between you and your immediate family just by dating you then she's capable of much crazier shit than posing with a fan of the enemy after you call it quits.
I wouldn't be surprised if we toootally candidly catch Olivia Munn at the tailor using a hair flip and a lip bite to convince Sam Bradford to get his sleeves sewn slim during rivalry week. Maybe her public image precedes her, but if she's as petty, vindictive, and cruel as I think she is then I wouldn't say it's out of the question for her to release a sex tape with Mitch Trubisky if her ex is putting up MVP-quality numbers. I don't even know who the Packers backup quarterback is, but he better turn off his DM's if he doesn't want to end up as a pawn in Olivia Munn's vengeful chess game aimed at keeping her former mate in check. There's no such thing as an amicable split when you spend years with the kind of broad that can get ex-communicated from your Christmas card with one rye smile. Aaron Rodgers should have known that when he decided to date the type of bad bitch that it (potentially literally) too cutthroat for 'The Bachelor' bullshit.
JHNews- According to a probable cause affidavit obtained by the Jackson Hole News&Guide this afternoon, Ryen Russillo was found naked in a stranger’s condo around 3:30 a.m. Wednesday.
Officers were called to a condo in the 500 block of Snow King Loop for a report of a “highly intoxicated male who was refusing to leave.”
“Officers found the defendant, later identified as Ryen August Russillo, lying on the bed in the south bedroom naked except for his pants around his ankles,” the probable cause affidavit states.
A condo resident told police he heard someone come in and assumed it was a family member but a few moments later Russillo walked in the bedroom with his pants half down.
“He was obviously intoxicated and the only thing he said was that he was getting his stuff,” records state.
Tough break for Ryen Russillo. I suppose he only has himself to blame for getting so incoherently drunk that he "decided" to saunter into someone else's dwelling in his birthday suit. However, if there were state where you might be able to get away with doing some criminal shit while unclothed and intoxicated then it absolutely has to be Wyoming.
Granted, I have never visited before, but something tells me (probably the fact that the apartment he walked into was clearly unlocked) it's one of those flyover states whose residential landscape makes it extremely difficult to truly inconvenience others. I guess I have never put all that much thought into it until now, but any place that sounds like a decent spot to start up a meth business seems like a pretty good place to drunkenly hobble around with your pants around your ankles free of prosecution.
It's sort of like a "tree falls in the forest" situation: If an ESPN radio host blacks out and pulls out his penis while in the Great Plains but no one is around to see it, did it even happen? Obviously someone did see it and therefore it did happen, but that's only because - I would imagine - Ryen Russillo was staying at the only condo complex in a 100 mile radius. The only benefit to vacationing in Wyoming is not having to deal with all that many other people, but - unfortunately for The Worldwide Leader's resident meathead - the drunken brain will always find the nearest bed...regardless of who it belongs to.
What can I say, I love the dedication shown here. Some might think I am just referring to crafting a salami and house vodka sub with extra 'T' in an effort to smuggle cheap, esophagus burning spirits into a place of business. However, I'm also appreciative of the initiative shown by the security team in unearthing Glen's bottle of liver cirrhosis. That's the type of honest competition that keeps the world turning.
As a 20 year old, I would have considered it my own personal hell to run into such committed group of ass patters and bag searchers, but that's just because apparently I didn't want to illegally take free shots out of the bottle badly enough. Some might think that carrying around a 4-pound sandwich was a pretty elaborate, proactive way to binge drink while watching the ponies, but a great defense is beating a good offense every single time.
I hope that having their vodka confiscated doesn't turn these poor, sober bastards off to the sport of sneaking booze into sporting events in the future, because the true greats would treat it as a lesson learned and institute it the next time they go back to the cutting board. After all, if being too young and excessively drunk in public were that easy then everyone would do it.
Danny Ainge (Who Definitely Doesn't Have Stake In The Game) Doesn't Think Isaiah Thomas Will Be Healthy To Start The Season
You just have to tip your cap on this one. Look no further than Danny Ainge's track record of largely ignoring his fanbase's bi-annual, repetitive call to unload assets as proof that he usually doesn't give a damn about what people think about how he runs his franchise. That said, it's nice to know that he's not completely immune to the perception of the public, and that's exactly what this little post-trade tidbit was aimed at altering...
"Sir, the city of Boston is upset with you for unloading a guy who has become a regional folk hero of sorts, and the media thinks that including the pick that you valued more than your first born was too much to give up for a similar player that still leaves us as an underdog against the team he came from. What should we tell them?"
"Eh, just tell them that Isaiah Thomas' hip won't be healthy enough to start the season and he probably won't be in the lineup to dismantle the team he adored playing for in the first game of the season. That'll get them to lay off while their emotional attachment wears off."
Seriously, why else sit there and address a players' health when it is no longer your problem unless you're trying to influence the narrative surrounding the trade that you've been building up to for the NBA equivalent of ages? Slightly exaggerating an injury concern to make his managerial decision look mildly more justified might make Danny Ainge seem petty, but - as a guy that historically doesn't give a shit - this finally makes him somewhat relatable...
A Supreme Court Justice In Ohio (Who Apparently Thinks It's 1960) Accused Cleveland Browns' Players Of "Draft Dodging"
First and foremost, I just want to bid farewell to Bill O'Neill's season. Can't believe it's already over before it actually started. Six months seems like a pretty excessive recovery period for hurt feelings, but 70 year old white men are definitely more likely to become hypochondriacs that let the perception that their privilege is being strained keep them out of the luxury box for longer than necessary. Hopefully the Browns are able to plug someone into his cushy, empty seat at 'The Dawg Pound', and not experience too much of a drop-off in fan support. Again, it sucks that Bill O'Neill is going to have to miss out on yet another disappointing season in Cleveland, but at least he got to go out on top...with a preseason victory.
When you think about, this whole scene really is pretty despicable. The gall of a bunch of properly-compensated, supremely talented babies exercising their freedom to protest the race-driven wedge that continues to divide this country? Don't they know their time could better spent at home kissing their wives and babies goodbye after being summoned to serve their country by a military-supplying mechanism that ended well over two decades before most of them were born? Admittedly, I had no idea that veterans were overseas fighting for America's right to play football, but shame on a bunch of professional athletes for disrespecting all their hard work via group prayer for a more unified tomorrow.
All due thanks and respect to Bill O'Neill for serving this country. However, I can't help but find it incredibly hilarious that the white dudes that hold similar office are - statistically speaking - infinitely more likely to be old and entitled enough to hop, skip, and pay their way out of their call to service than NFL players who were 50 years away from owning their own cell phone.
Like, it seems like a much more natural progression to criticize the U.S. president who actually dodged the draft instead of the football players whose Constitutionally-enabled free expression is - at the very least - an indirect product of his divisive campaign. The Cleveland Browns in question may not have been lining up for their university's ROTC program, but they were very much present for the only draft they were eligible for.
ESPN Moved Announcer Robert Lee Off The Broadcast Of The Virginia-William & Mary Game For A Reason You Can Probably Figure Out
LBS- ESPN confirmed on Tuesday night that they moved an announcer named Robert Lee off the Virginia-William & Mary football game on Sept. 2.
“We collectively made the decision with Robert to switch games as the tragic events in Charlottesville were unfolding, simply because of the coincidence of his name. In that moment it felt right to all parties. It’s a shame that this is even a topic of conversation and we regret that who calls play by play for a football game has become an issue,” ESPN said in a statement shared with Larry Brown Sports.
Trust me, I'm well aware of how ridiculous it seems that a multinational corporation reconfigured their broadcast lineup to avoid one of their employees being thrust into a polarizing, race-based regional debacle because he's the unintentional namesake of a disgraced confederate general that's been dead for damn near 150 years. It's not lost on me how absurd it is that one of these guys is a posthumously affecting the livelihood of the other...
Unfortunately, the only thing that it more absurd than that is the fact that coincidental reminders that white supremacy is apparently still a relevant ideal outside the walls of particular college football stadiums are even possible in the year 2017. I'm not one of those "stick to sports" people, but - for the sake of almost everyone involved - I think I can understand ESPN wanting to create a clear and distinct separation between college football and neo-nazi-related irony.
Of course you'd have to an overly sensitive asshole to find yourself offended by the fact that there are living, breathing Robert Lee's that didn't fight for the right to own black people in every city in America. However, let's consider that no one on the planet would give a shit who calls the Virginia-William & Mary game on ESPN3 otherwise. When you look at it that way, I think even the only truly affected party would agree that it's not in his best interest to be on the ass end of internet jokes (that have a longer shelf life than "this is why Trump got elected!" outrage, mind you) due to a random association with the some guy that probably would have supported putting his great-grandparents in internment camps.
I understand why the Clay Travis' of the world would take this opportunity to run around calling everyone that has even the remnants of a Barack Obama sticker on their bumper a "snowflake" while trying to banish them to their safe space, but this isn't about people being too easily offended. This is about making professional life easier for a young, upstart announcer - whose parents probably didn't major in American history - by having him work in a state that didn't just host city-wide civil disobedience over a statue bearing his name.
The only mistake ESPN made is letting this news get out, and thus adding fuel to the fire on the tiki torches that the alt-right uses to protest that certain aspects of society - including sports entertainment - lean too far left.
Can you believe it? The Cleveland Cavaliers actually traded away an All Star caliber point guard that brings instant offense, has a penchant for thriving in the clutch, plays no defense, and is probably better off as a second scoring option?!? What were they thi...
...Wait, what's that? They got back a poor man's version of the very same player and a draft pick that has been the apple of the entire NBA's eye since the Brooklyn Nets went bankrupt mortgaging their future on two players in the twilight of their career?
Look, as he compares to Isaiah Thomas, Kyrie Irving is obviously a better talent with a brighter future, but - if you're a Cavaliers fan - the prospect of flipping a player that helped win you a title and not having your last season with LeBron James become a lost season has to excite you. Their owner's ineptitude put them in a no-win situation, so coming out with what appears to be something close to a draw has to be considered a relative success. Granted, it's a relative success that makes their biggest in-conference competition better and guarantees that the entire framework of the franchise is getting gutted in less than a year, but at least they've already collected a huge piece for the rebuild before their impending demolition. Preemptively starting over wouldn't have been considered an ideal move when the city of Cleveland celebrated its first championship in over half a century, but Dan Gilbert went full-Dan Gilbert and has done a lot of dumb, irreparable shit since then.
As for Boston, Danny Ainge definitely didn't get the most out of the assets that he has held almost as near and dear as his own immediate family, but he did form a roster that will be favored to be in the NBA Finals sooner rather than later. Giving up the prized Nets' pick that has reportedly been the sticking point on so many hypothetical deals that were far less costly than one that includes Isaiah Thomas and Jae Crowder seems odd, but it probably gives them pretty close to an even chance in next year's conference finals.
All in all, both organizations involved in a trade that had the top teams in the East swapping significant pieces are likely walking away satisfied, and I can't say that a simultaneous climax was how I saw the consummation of the wild and crazy ride that was the NBA offseason playing out.
P.S. Warriors in 4.