Brian Urlacher Just Got Inducted Into 'The He-Man, Cam Newton Hater's Club'

BSO- “I played defense so I don’t like when guys celebrate with dances and stuff. You know who I like the way he celebrates is Peyton. He kind of gives the guy a handshake and goes back to the sidelines. I think that’s a great celebration right there. You don’t see him dancing. You don’t see him doing all of that stuff. Even when he gets a first down he doesn’t do anything.” - Brian Urlacher



"Gee, that Peyton guy. Really love how he just gives a guy a handshake and goes back to the sidelines. I mean, its probably because he hasn't scored his own touchdown since his days at Tennessee, but that's not the point. Sure, the most impressive thing he does on the football field is command the line of scrimmage, but you just have to appreciate how he never pats himself on the back after a well timed 'Omaha'. I just wish everyone was like Peyton Manning. An understated quarterback that needs a rocket up his ass to get out of the pocket and doesn't have enough rhythm to even contemplate dancing. Did you know that he doesn't even celebrate when someone else -that he passed the ball to- gets a first down? Just gives a little head nod and slowly hobbles 15 yards down the field so the play clock doesn't run out before he gets to the huddle. That's a great celebration right there." 

I knew the hair would change him, I just fucking knew it. Bald Brian Urlacher would never say this. That Brian Urlacher would LIVE by the "if you don't want him to celebrate then don't let him score" philosophy. He would have realized that his job was to go out there and shatter chest cavities, and if a player was able to avoid his wrath then they should be entitled to celebrate their continued health. Hey, at least he acknowledged that there are other eccentric players in the NFL that dance after a positive play. I guess the 'He Man, Cam Newton Hater's Club' didn't read him their handbook yet, because I am pretty sure ignoring the effervescence of every other player in the league is like the first rule of Cam Newton hating. I guess I am glad that Brian Urlacher hasn't yet gone full 'middle-aged white suburban dad', but he's certainly trending in that direction. Especially if he keeps asking for the "classic conservative" at his local salon.