Dwight Howard Is Changing Numbers On Behalf Of Jesus Christ

AJC-  New beginning, new number for Dwight Howard.

The newest Hawks player will apparently no longer wear his uniform No. 12. Howard appeared on the NBA TV broadcast of the Hawks’ Las Vegas Summer League game against the Rockets on Friday. He said on the air that he will change his number from the one he has worn his entire professional career.

Howard would not reveal the new number. He said only that it will be biblical and have deep meaning.



That sound you hear is the yelping of every General Manager in the NBA not in charge of the Atlanta Hawks as they kick themselves in the ass for not doling out 23 million dollars a year to bring in Dwight Howard. Not because it wasn't a good idea to shy away from making a comical financial commitment to an enigmatic locker room cancer at the time, but because times have changed. 

If only they had known that Dwight wasn't looking for a fresh start (after poisoning yet another franchise) like he has so many times before. Nope, instead he has gone the extra mile in resuscitating his career by recommitting himself to the Lord. It's not a retry, it's a rebirth! DWIGHT HOWARD HAS BEEN BORN AGAIN!!! The ultimate biblical do-over! How can you not believe that Dwight Howard will finally fulfill his promise as an egregiously athletic, somehow ambidextrous 7 footer when he's got God on his side now? Sure, he's got about 4 dozen children by 3 dozen mothers out of wedlock, owns enough snakes to supply an Indiana Jones re-tread, and has spent the entirety of his professional career souring every relationship he's ever come in the most minute amount of contact with. That's why it's an absolutely genius decision to align himself with the only teammate that's capable of cleansing him of his sins. Kevin who? Curry what? Ain't nobody can compare to the 'Big 3' of Paul Millsap, 'Superman', and Jesus H. Christ. Dwight Howard didn't just pick a new number as some paltry attempt to prove to people he's changed, he did so to resurrect his image AND his offense. Who better to model his resurrection game after than our Lord and Savior?
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