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Two Minutes, Well Worth It

Eli Apple's Family And Friends Just Defended His Ability To Cook Like He Was On Trial

4/27/2016

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Eli has made me some fire fried chicken and mac and cheese. The source seems to be pretty unreliable □□

— EzekielElliott#⃣1⃣5⃣ (@EzekielElliott) April 27, 2016

Glad to know someone appreciates my cooking ✊□ https://t.co/wDh84JMR1T

— Eli Apple (@EliApple13) April 27, 2016

I can't cook either ! Maybe hot pockets at best lol .. And I'm a SUPERBOWL CHAMPION .

— Bradley Roby (@BradRoby_1) April 27, 2016

Btw, Eli's dad is a retired five star chef. We eat well. So stop playing with our name. Next time you say our name, put some respeck on it □

— Annie Apple (@SurvivinAmerica) April 27, 2016

Eli Apple on his maligned cooking: "I used to cook for my teammates any time they came over. It was good stuff! Nobody ever complained."

— Robert Mays (@robertmays) April 27, 2016

Eli Apple's culinary thoughts, continued: "I'm more of a breakfast guy, though. Come by in the morning, and I'll hook you up."

— Robert Mays (@robertmays) April 27, 2016

I already talked about how silly it is treat an NFL prospects lack of culinary skills as if they are detrimental to his FOOTBALL career, but before we go any farther with this let's just have another look at the scouting report...

  • Third-year sophomore from Voorhees, N.J. “He got beat probably more than you want but he’s got tremendous upside,” said one scout. “He is too young (20) to be coming out but he is so you’ve got to project what he’s going to be. I think he’s going to be a pretty high-level starter.” Started 27 games, finishing with 86 tackles (7 ½ for loss), 4 picks and 18 PBUs. “Some there (OSU) were worried he wouldn’t break 4.6 and then popped the (4.39),” said another scout. “They were surprised he ran that well. I worry about him because of off-the-field issues. The kid has no life skills. At all. Can’t cook. Just a baby. He’s not first round for me. He scares me to death.” Wonderlic was 21. “He probably has as much talent as anybody but he, like a lot of those Ohio State guys, is inconsistent,” said a third scout. “He squats, and receivers run by him. He’s more in catch-up mode than reaction mode. He bothers me a little bit.”

​
Now obviously the whole allegation that he doesn't have the life skills to play professional is a pretty slanderous claim, but did anyone else notice anything about those series of tweets that are sent out by Eli's teammates, family, and friends? Like - oh, i don't know - the fact that none of them addressed the actual football criticisms in this scouting report. What a world we live in. Not only are analysts judging whether or not college football players would make good housewives, but the player's inner circles are ignoring the most insulting critiques to defend their boy's ability to whip up some quality mac 'n' cheese.

​I just imagine Ezekiel Elliot reading that report like "Inconsistent? Check. Squats on routes? Check. Let's receivers run by him too often? Check. Slow reaction time? Check. Can't cook? WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, HAVE THEY EVER HAD HIS FRIED CHICKEN!!!". Just laugh out loud funny that there are two sides having a legitimate conversation about food preparation when the draft is around the corner. Oh well, if defending yourself this staunchly against an outrageous claim is the only thing that can validate it then maybe Eli Apple's inability to make time appropriate meals after 10AM is the worst thing about him. I would argue that only being able to cook breakfast food is a blessing in disguise, but hey, that's why they don't pay me to dissect NFL prospects and their "off-the-field issues".
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